


There Are 10 Things I Hate About You, Sirius Black

by solangelosunangel



Category: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) Fusion, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 17,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5783533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solangelosunangel/pseuds/solangelosunangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is paid to take Remus out on a date via a mixed up scheme from Peter, James, and Severus; the latter two wish to date Lily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 10 Things I Hate About You au...  
> The characterization is a little messed up, but I tried to fix it best I could. Lily had to be made Remus' sister.
> 
> Remus Lupin= Kat Stratford  
> Sirius Black= Patrick Verona  
> James Potter= Cameron James  
> Lily Lupin= Bianca Stratford  
> Lyall Lupin= Walter Stratford  
> Severus Snape= Joey Donner  
> Peter Pettigrew= Michael Eckman  
> Mary MacDonald= Mandella  
> Dorcas Meadowes= Chastity Church  
> Professor McGonagall= Mr. Morgan  
> Headmaster Dumbledore= Ms. Perky  
> Professor Slughorn= Mr. Chapin

Welcome to Hogwarts High School, your typical high school in Anywhere, USA.  I will take you to Main Street, where two girls from Hogwarts are stopped at the intersection.  They listen to pop music while bouncing to the beat.

                And thus arrives our main character, Remus Lupin.  He pulls his rundown pickup truck up next to the girls, shaking his head slightly at their taste in music.  Remus listens to indie, and in his opinion, much better, music.

                Remus Lupin rushes up the steps of Hogwarts.  On the wall, there is a prominent poster, announcing the upcoming Yule Ball.  Remus promptly tears it down.

                “Hey!” a girl shouts.  Remus pays her no mind and keeps walking down the hall.

* * *

 

                Now, here in the Headmaster’s Office, we will meet our next character—James Potter.  He stands in front of Headmaster Dumbledore’s desk.

                Headmaster Dumbledore is furiously typing on his computer, apparently having paid no mind to James’ presence.

                _As Adrian’s hand slid up his lover’s creamy white thigh, he could feel his huge member pulsating with desire…_

                Eventually, Dumbledore looks up.  “So, James.  Here you go,” he says, handing over James’ schedule.  “Nine schools in ten years… my, my… Army brat?”

                “Yeah…, my dad’s a...”

                Dumbledore cuts him off.  “That’s enough.  I’m sure you won’t find Hogwarts any different than your old school.”  Something brown and sticky hits the window behind Dumbledore.  It oozes down the glass.  “Same little asswipe shit-for-brains everywhere.”

                James is appalled.  “Excuse me?  Did you just say…?  Am I in the right office?”

                Dumbledore clucks his tongue.  “Not anymore you’re not.  I’ve got deviants to see and a novel to finish.  Now scoot.  Scoot!”  Dumbledore absent-mindedly waves his hands in the direction of James.

                James is still stunned.  “Okay.  Thanks,” he manages to squeak out.  James leaves the office, accidentally bumping into someone.  He mumbles a soft apology and scuttles out of the room.

* * *

 

                And here we are introduced to our next character, none other than Sirius Black.  He has a smirk on his face.  Dumbledore looks up from his computer.

                “Sirius Black,” Dumbledore says as he continues to type, searching for the perfect wording.  “I see we’re making our visits a weekly ritual.”  Dumbledore narrows his eyes at Sirius, who merely gives the headmaster a charming smile.

                “Only so we can have these moments together…   Should I get the lights?” Sirius asks, taking a step toward the light switch and, by pure happenstance, the doorway.  He sports a slight smirk on his face.

                Headmaster Dumbledore’s eyes twinkle.  “Oh. Very clever,” he muses. “Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?”

                Sirius, despite his valiant efforts and cool-guy exterior, gets slightly red-faced.  “I was just joking with the lunch lady.  It was a bratwurst.”

                The corners of Dumbledore’s eyes crinkle with laughter.  “Bratwurst?  Aren’t we the optimist?  Next time, keep it in your pants, okay?  Scoot!” 

                As Sirius swaggers out of his office, Dumbledore returns to his novel, rewriting part of the sentence he was on.

                _As Adrian’s hand slid up his lover’s creamy white thigh, he could feel his huge_ bratwurst _pulsating with desire…_

* * *

 

                Our next character, a geeky-looking, rather short boy, hurries up to James in the hallway.

                “Peter Pettigrew.  I’m supposed to show you around.”

                “Oh, hi,” James says, rather relieved.  “Thank God!  You know, they normally send down one of those audio-visual geeks.”

                Peter looks embarrassed, but he quickly recovers.  “I know what you mean…”  Then, one of said ‘audio-visual geeks’ comes rushing up to Peter, pushing a large cart of film equipment.

                “Hey, Peter, where should I put those slides?” the geek says.  Peter ignores the geek and directs James further down the hall.  The geek looks shocked, and calls for Peter before walking away, disgruntled.

                “So, James, here’s the breakdown,” Peter says, checking James’ schedule.  He points to a small congregation of tall people, all made from the same cookie-cutter.  “Over there, you’ve got your basic beautiful people.  Now listen.  Unless they talk to you first, don’t bother.”

                James smiles.  “Is that your rule or theirs?”

                “Watch,” Peter commands.  He takes a step towards the group.  “Hey there.”

                “Geek,” one of the taller boys calls out.  His friends clap him on the back and laugh.  They all continue to laugh as James and Peter walk away.

                “See that?” Peter asks.

                Peter and James eventually end up in the school courtyard.

                “To the left we have the coffee kids,” Peter says, in an almost joking fashion.  He gestures to a small group of kids, all drinking, you guessed it, coffee.  One bumps into another, sending his coffee across the ground.  They get into a rather heated argument.

                “These are your future MBAs—we’re all Ivy League accepted.  Hey guys, how ya doin’?”

                The small table of kids clad in business suits with fancy ties act as if Peter hadn’t said anything.

                “Whatever,” Peter says, though he is clearly either annoyed or hurt.  “Now over here…”

                “Woah…” James exclaims.  A tall girl with fiery red hair walks past with her friend.  James’ eyes are glued to her retreating back.

                “The ‘don’t even think about it’ group.  That’s Lily Lupin.”

                “I burn!  I pine!  I perish!” James says, putting a hand to his heart as he pretends to faint.

                “Of course you do,” Peter says with sarcasm.  “You know, she’s beautiful and deep.  Pure.”  James and Peter overhear a snippet of the conversation between Lily and her friend, Dorcas.

                “Yup, see, there’s a difference between ‘like’ and ‘love’.  Because I like my Converse, but I love my Prada backpack.” Lily says.  Lily, unbeknownst to her peers, plays dumb for popularity.  She doesn’t want to be hated like her brother, Remus.

                “But I love my Converse.” Dorcas says.

                “That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.”  It is better, Lily thinks, to be shallow and well-liked than smart and hated.

                “Oooh!” Dorcas says in awe.

                “Listen,” Peter says to James.  “Forget her.  Incredibly uptight father and it’s a widely known fact that the Lupin siblings aren’t allowed to date.”

                “What if?” James says.

 

* * *

                Little do James, Sirius, Lily, Peter, and Remus know, their seemingly unrelated tales are about to converge.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin's views and morals are discussed; James figures a way to spend time with Lily.

                We will reenter our beloved characters’ lives later that day, when Remus Lupin is sitting in his English class, taught by Professor McGonagall.  They are discussing the book they had just finished reading.  The bored seniors stare off into space, doodling or throwing paper around the back seats.  Remus is the only student attentive.

                “Okay then,” Professor McGonagall starts.  “What did everyone think of _The Sun Also Rises_?”  McGonagall knows that the students will not want to answer and that she will have to ask more pressing questions, but she can hope…

                A girl sitting toward the back of the classroom surprises McGonagall when she raises her hand.  Professor McGonagall calls on her.  “I loved it,” the girl sighs.  “It was so romantic.”

                Remus Lupin wastes no time as he puts his own opinion in the conversation.  “Romantic?” he asks, incredulous.  “Hemingway?  He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso, trying to nail his leftovers.”  This outburst from Remus Lupin is nothing new, and the students roll their eyes.

                Severus Snape pipes up.  “As opposed to what?  A bitter, self-righteous fairy who has no friends?”  A couple people around the class laugh.  Remus sets his jaw and crosses his arms.

                “Shut up, Snape,” McGonagall says.  As much as Remus annoys her, she hates Severus.  Snape sinks lower in his seat, looking sheepish.

                Sensing an opening, Remus speaks.  “I guess in this society, being straight and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.  What about Virginia Woolf or Oscar Wilde or Patricia Highsmith?”

                Before anyone has a chance to answer, probably with something rude and bigoted, the classroom door swings open.  Sirius, in all his gloriousness, steps in, late and without a pass.

                “What’d I miss?” he asks.  McGonagall purses her lips.

                “The oppressive, homophobic, patriarchal values that dictate our education,” Remus says.

                “Good.  As much as I would love to stay,” Sirius says, to Remus’ surprise, actually being sincere.  “I really have to run.”  He immediately turns and heads out down the hallway, paying no mind to Professor McGonagall’s calls.

                “Hey, Mcgonnie.  Is there any chance we could get Remus to take his Midol before he comes to class?” Severus asks.

                “Ahhh… there it is,” Remus begins.  “More sexism and transphobia.  I was beginning to wonder if you had finally become a decent person, Sev.”

                “Someday,” McGonagall says, speaking to Snape.  “You’re gonna get bitch-slapped and I’m not gonna do a thing to stop it.  And Remus, I want to thank you for your point of view.”  Remus smiles to himself.

                “I can’t believe that you—any of you—actually agree with Remus.  He’s just a dumb homo—.”  Severus starts, but Remus cuts him off as he stands up and hits Snape in the face with his copy of Ernest Hemingway.

                “Remus!” McGonagall gasps.  “I cannot believe this!  Office, now.”  Remus grumbles as he picks up his belongings and rushes out the door.  Severus is fine, he thinks.  I barely tapped him on the nose. 

* * *

 

                In his office, Dumbledore is continuing his novel, but he can’t seem to find the right word.  “Undulating with desire, Adrian removes his crimson cape… excitable… stiff and..,” he says to himself.  “What’s another word for engorged?”

                At this point, Remus walks into the office, but Dumbledore doesn’t realize.  “…swollen… turgid…”

                “Tumescent?” Remus offers, a slight smirk on his face.

                “Perfect!” Dumbledore exclaims, hurriedly moving to add the word to his novel.  “So, I hear you were terrorizing Professor McGonagall’s class.  Again.”

                “Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action,” Remus defends.

                “The way you expressed your opinion to Lucius Malfoy?” Dumbledore says, a slight grin on his face.  Dumbledore rather likes Remus, as he reminds him of himself when he was younger.  “By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you’re interested.      “

                “I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls,” Remus says, almost laughing as he remembers that day.

                “The thing is, Remus, people perceive you as somewhat…”

                “Tempestuous?”

                “’Heinous bitch’ is the term used most often.”  At this knowledge, Remus remains straight-faced.  “You might want to work on that.  Thank you.”  Remus gets up and moves towards the door.

                “As always,” he says sarcastically.  “Thank you for your excellent guidance.  I’ll let you get back to how Adrian will react to Reginald’s quivering member.”  Remus leaves.

                Talking to himself once more, Dumbledore says, “quivering member, I like that.” 

* * *

 

                It is passing period now, and groups of kids are congregating in the courtyard.  Snape stands with his friends, including Lucius Malfoy.  Lily and Dorcas weave in between the groups, chatting mindlessly.

                “Virgin alert,” Malfoy says, quickly getting Snape’s attention.

                “Lookin’ good, ladies,” Snape says.  Lily smiles shyly.  The pair of girls giggles as they walk away.

                “They’re outta reach, even for you,” Malfoy states.

                “No one’s out of reach for me,” Snape says, matter-of-factly.

                “You wanna put money on that?”  Lucius was always up for a bet, mostly because he had only money to lose if he lost the bet.  And that, money, at least, his family had a lot of.  Unfortunately, so did Snape’s.

                “Money I’ve got.  This I’m going to do for fun.”

                As this conversation unfolds between Snape and Malfoy, James and Peter have been watching from across the courtyard.  James is annoyed and angry.

                “Who’s that guy?” James asks.

                “It’s Severus Snape.  He’s an asshole.  And a model,” Peter says, sounding a little humored.

                “He’s a model?”

                “A model.  Mostly regional stuff.  But he’s rumored to have a hair-grease ad coming out.”

                “Really?”

                “Really,” Peter laughs.  James joins in, though he looks with annoyance in Severus’ direction.

                “Man, look at her,” James says, now looking at Lily.

                “Is she always so… vapid?” Peter asks, merely calling James’ attention to it, rather than actually wanting an answer.  He already knew the answer, anyway.

                “How can you say that?  She’s totally…”

                “Conceited?” Peter offers.

                “What are you talking about?  There’s more to her than you think.”  Little did the two of them know, James was right.  “I mean, look.  Look at the way she smiles.  And look at her eyes, man.  She’s totally pure.  I mean, you’re missing what’s there.”

                Peter is unconvinced.  “No, James.  No.  What’s there is a snotty little Princess wearing a strategically planned sundress to make guys like us realize we can never touch her, and guys like Snape realize they want to.  She, my friend, is what we’ll spend the rest of our lives not having.  Put her in the Spank Bank.  Move on.”

                James blushes.  “No.  You’re wrong about her.  I mean, you know, uh…, not about the spanking part…but the rest.  You’re wrong.”

                Peter smiles.  “Alright.  I’m wrong?  Wanna take a shot?   Be my guest.  She’s actually looking for a Spanish tutor.”

                “Are you serious?  That’s perfect!”

                “You speak Spanish?”

                “No,” James says.  “But I will.”  Peter shakes his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape drives Lily home; Lily argues a new dating rule for her and Remus.

Presently, Remus and his best friend, Mary MacDonald, are walking toward Remus' car.  Snape pulls up beside them.

                Snape nods towards Remus’ combination of ripped jeans and combat boots.  “Hey, you’re little punk rock look is out, Remus.  Didn’t you read last month’s _Cosmo_?”

                “Run along,” Remus says, barely paying attention to Snape.  Severus grumbles and instead pulls his car up next to Lily and Dorcas, who are walking a little ways ahead of Remus and Mary.

                “I know you can be overwhelmed.  You can be underwhelmed.  But can you ever just be whelmed?” Dorcas says.

                “I think you can in Europe,” Lily says.

                “Hi, ladies,” Snape says from his car.  “Would you sweet young things like a ride?”  Dorcas and Lily giddily look at each other and then climb in the back of the car.  After a loud exclamation from Snape to “watch the leather”, they pull out of the school parking lot.

                Across the lot, Peter has mounted his motorcycle, accidentally pulling out in front of Remus.

                “Remove head from sphincter, then drive!” Remus yells.  Peter drives over to James. 

                “You all right?” James asks.

                “Yeah, yeah.  Just a minor encounter with the shrew.  Your girlfriend’s brother.”

                “What?  That’s Lily’s brother?” James exclaims.

                “Yep.  The mewling, rampalian poof himself.  Stay cool, bro,” Peter says in farewell.  He jets off on his motorbike and drives out of the parking lot.  Sadly, though, he drives down a hill, flips his motorcycle, and lands on his back in the grass.  Students rush over to look at him.  After a moment’s confusion, Peter lifts his arms up in celebration.  The student body cheers.  Peter struggles to remain upright.

* * *

 

                At the Lupin house, Remus lounges on a chair, reading a book.  Mr. Lupin, an obstetrician, enters the house with a pile of mail.

                “Hello, Remus.  Make anyone cry today?”

                “Sadly, no.  But it’s only four-thirty,” Remus says, looking up from his book.  Mr. Lupin smiles as Lily walks in the room; she places a kiss on his cheek.

                “Hi, Daddy,” Lily coos.

                “Hello, Precious.” 

                Remus very nearly rolls his eyes.  “And where’ve you been?” he asks Lily.

                “Nowhere,” Lily says sourly.

                Mr. Lupin scowls at a letter the family got in the mail.  “What’s this?  It says Beauxbatons University.”  Remus jumps off of the chair and rushes to his father, ripping the letter out of his hands.  Remus tears it open.

                “I got in!  I got in!” Remus cheers.

                “Uh, son.  That’s great.  But isn’t Beauxbatons on the other side of the country?”

                “Thus the basis of its appeal,” Remus says, not missing a beat.

                “Yeah, I thought we decided you were gonna stay here and go to Hufflepuff University, like me.  Be a badger.”  Mr. Lupin makes some encouraging growling noises.

                “No, you decided,” Remus states.

                “Oh, okay.  So you just pick up and leave, is that it?” Mr. Lupin asks, borderline angry.

                “Let’s hope so,” Lily interjects.  Remus glares at Lily, and then smiles sweetly.

                “Ask Lily who drove her home, father,” Remus says with a smirk.

                “Remus, don’t change the… Lily!  Who drove you home?” Mr. Lupin asks, his curiosity and protectiveness getting the best of him.  Lily stares daggers at Remus.

                “Now, don’t get upset, Daddy, but there’s this boy…”

                “Who’s a flaming imbecile,” Remus adds.

                “Please…” Mr. Lupin says, wanting to hear about this boy.

                “And I think he might ask me…” Lily continues.  Her father cuts her off.

                “Please.  I think I know what he’s going to ask you.  And I think I know the answer: No.  It’s always no.  What are the house rules?  Number One: no dating ‘til you graduate.  Number Two: no dating ‘til you graduate.  That’s it.”

                “But, Daddy, that’s so unfair,” Lily all but whines.

                “Alright, wanna know what’s unfair.  This applies to you too, Remus.  This morning I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl.  Do you know what she said to me?”

                “I should have made my sleazy boyfriend wear a condom?” Lily says.

                “How does this apply to me?” Remus mumbles.

                Mr. Lupin pauses a moment, pondering Lily’s statement, but paying no attention to Remus’.  “Close, but no.  She said, ‘I should have listened to my father’.”

                “She did not,” Lily says.

                “Again, how does this apply to me?” Remus says.

                “Well, that’s what she would’ve said if she wasn’t so doped up.”

                Lily is mad.  “Can we focus on me for a second please?  I am the only person in school who’s not dating.”

                “Oh no, you’re not.  Your brother doesn’t date,” Mr. Lupin says.

                “And I don’t intend to,” Remus says, slowly making his way back to his chair and his book.

                “And why is that again?” Mr. Lupin asks, excited since he is able to shut down any of Lily’s arguments.

                “Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?” Remus quips.

                “Okay, here’s how we solve this one.  Old rule out.  New rule: Lily can date,” Mr. Lupin starts.  Lily’s face lights up.  “Lily can date when Remus does.” 

                Lily frowns.  “But he’s a mutant.  What if he never dates?”

                “Then you’ll never date.  Oh, I like that.  And I’ll get to sleep at night.  The deep slumber of a father whose daughter isn’t out being impregnated and his son isn’t out impregnating girls.”

                “Not a problem,” Remus says, not looking up from his book.  Mr. Lupin’s beeper goes off, and he heads to the door because he is needed at the hospital.

                “We’ll talk about Beauxbatons later,” Mr. Lupin says to Remus.

                “Fine,” Remus says, not particularly happy about that.

                “Wait!  Daddy!” Lily calls.

                “I gotta go.”  Their father leaves.

                Lily turns on Remus.  “Can’t you find a sad enough guy to take you to the movies so I can have just one date?” Lily pleads.

                “I’m sorry.  Looks like you’ll just have to miss out on the witty repartee of Severus “eat me” Snape.”

                “You suck,” Lily says.

                “You suck,” Remus mocks, violently turning the page in his novel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, ya'll! I hope you liked the new chapter!!!   
> Leave reviews in the comments.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at fiftyshadesofthegreylady or here: http://fiftyshadesofthegreylady.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James 'tutors' Lily; James and Peter come up with a plan to get Sirius to date Remus.

                James sits at a table in the Hogwarts library, nervously preparing for the Spanish tutoring lesson he has planned with Lily.  Lily rushes over and sits next to James.

                “Can we make this quick?” Lily asks.  “Frank and Alice are having a horrendous public break-up.  Again.”

                “Oh, yeah,” James gulps.  “I thought we’d start with pronunciation, if that’s alright with you.”

                “Not the tongue-rolling part, please,” Lily says, a weak attempt at a joke.  She really doesn’t need the tutoring, she just wanted an excuse to spend some time with some cute boys since she isn’t allowed to date.  And James wouldn’t exactly be her first choice, but he’d do.

                “Well, there is an alternative.  Spanish food…  We could eat some… Together.  Saturday night?” James says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

                “You’re asking me out?  That’s so cute.  What’s your name?”  Lily knew; she knew everybody’s name.  But, she had a reputation to uphold.

                “James.  Listen, I know that your dad doesn’t let you date.  But I thought that if it was for Spanish class it…”

                “Oh, wait a minute.  Jeffrey...”

                “James.”

                “My dad just came up with a new rule.  I can date when my brother does.”

                “You’re kidding!  Well, let me ask you, do you like sailing?  ‘Cause I read about this place that rents out boats…”

                “Tengo una problema, John.  In case you haven’t heard, my brother’s a particularly hideous breed of loser,” Lily says, never passing up an opportunity to make fun of Remus.  Though, she loved him, truly.  She’d never admit it, though.

                “Yeah, yeah.  I noticed he’s a little anti-social,” James says, putting it nicely.  “Why is that?”

                “Unsolved mystery.  He used to be really popular, and then it was like… he got sick of it.  Or something.  There is a bet as to why, but I’m pretty sure he’s just incapable of human interaction.  Plus, he’s a bitch.”

                “Well, yeah, but, I’m sure, you know, that there’s lots of girls who wouldn’t mind going out with a… difficult man.  I mean, you know, people jump out of airplanes, ski off cliffs.  It would be like extreme dating.”

                “He’s gay, James,” Lily says, accidentally letting James’ real name slip.  “Plus, do you really think you could find someone that extreme?”

                “Yeah, sure.  Why not?” James says.

                Lily reaches out and touches James’ arm.  His mouth goes dry.  “Would you do that, for me?”

                “Oh yes!  I mean, you know, I could look into it,” James says, playing off suaveness. 

* * *

 

                On the other side of the school, two periods later, Peter leads James down a dark stairwell.  He stops in front of a small, mismatched group of guys.

                “Now, I have gathered a group of guys.  Couldn’t be more perfect.  Hogwarts’ finest,” Peter says ironically.  James shoots Peter a grimace.

                “Hi,” James tries.  “How ya doin’?  Would any of you be interested in dating Remus Lupin?”  James gets a wide variety of answers.

                One boy laughs.

                The next stares blankly at James.

                The following guy says, “Oi!  I’ve never been that desperate.”

                The final guy, an utter weirdo, says, “maybe if we were the last two people alive, and there were no sheep… are there sheep?”

                James hits his head on the wall.

* * *

 

                James and Peter have biology class together.  They are dissecting frogs in class that day.  James watches other kids in the class, his getting-a-date-for-Remus-problem still at the front of his mind. 

                “Did I, or did I not, tell you it was pointless?” Peter asks.  “No one will go out with him.”

                James ignores this in favor of absent-mindedly watching a guy with long hair (who we know to be Sirius Black) stab at his frog.  Peter looks up and notices who James is staring at.

                “You’re really thinking that he would date Remus?  No no.  Don’t look at him, okay?  He’s a criminal.  I heard he planted a bomb that killed twelve people.  He just did a year in Azkaban.”

                “Yeah, well, then at least he’s horny,” James jokes.  “Is he straight?”

                “I’m serious, man, he’s whacked.  He cut off a guy’s finger and sold it on the black market for a new set of speakers.”  The guy, Sirius Black, pulls out a cigarette and lights it with the Bunsen burner.

                “He’s our guy.  What’s his name?” James states.  Sirius looks up and notices James and Peter watching him.  The pair quickly looks away.

* * *

 

                Later that day, Peter and James are in woodshop, and, thankfully, Sirius has that class, too.  Kids drill and nail and sand.  The classroom is very loud.  James and Peter have to shout to be heard over the noise.  James and Peter walk over to Sirius, who brandishes a drill.

                “Hi.  How ya doin’?  Listen, I…” James begins.  Sirius drills a large hole in the very center of James’ Spanish book.  “Okay… Later, then…”

* * *

 

                James and Peter walk down the hallway.  James looks solemnly through the hole in his textbook.

                “How do we get him to date Remus, if you’re so intent on it being him?” Peter asks.

                “I don’t know.   I mean, uhh… we could pay him.  But we don’t have any money.”

                “Yeah, well, what we need is a backer.”

                “What’s that?”

                “Someone with money who’s stupid.”  Peter looks at James, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

* * *

 

                At lunch, Snape and his friends are sitting at a table, being the annoying idiots that they are. Peter walks up and sits at the table, as casual as he can muster.

                “Are you lost?” Snape asks.

                “No, actually, I just came by to chat.”

                “We don’t chat” Snape says, motioning between himself and Peter.

                “Well, actually… I thought that I’d run an idea by you.  Just to see if you’re interested.”

                “I’m not,” Snape says with finality.

                “Well, hear me out.  Now…”  Snape picks up a pen and starts drawing on Peter’s face.  “You want Lily, don’t you?  But she can’t go out with you because her brother is this insane head case and no one will go out with him, right?”

                “Does this conversation have a purpose?” Snape asks, continuing his drawing on Peter.

                “What I think you need to do is…, you need to hire a guy who’ll go out with him.  Someone who doesn’t scare so easy.”  Peter points to Sirius, who sits across the cafeteria.

                “That guy?  I heard he ate a live rat once.”

                “Everything but one foot.  Clearly, he’s a solid investment,” Peter says.

                Snape looks at Peter.  “What’s in it for you?”

                “Hey, I’m walking down the hall and say hello to you.  You say hello to me.”

                “Yeah, yeah.  I get it.  You’re cool by association.  I’ll think about it.”  Peter nods, and bops his head as if he’s listening to music.  “We’re done here,” Snape snaps.

                “Yeah, of course,” Peter says, hurriedly getting up and walking back over to James.

                “What are you doing getting him involved?” James asks, upset.

                “Relax, now, relax.  We let him pretend he’s calling the shots.  While he’s setting this up, you have time with Lily.”

                “That’s a good idea,” James says, clapping Peter on the back.  He leaves the lunchroom.  Peter stands, proud of himself.

                To no one in particular, he says, “I have a dick on my face, don’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Thanks for reading!   
> Any comments are much-appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at fiftyshadesofthegreylady
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter! It will pick up soon, meaning that Sirius and Remus will finally start talking!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is paid to take out Remus, but Sirius' attempts at courting Remus are all but squashed.

                After school that day, Sirius and his friend sit on the stadium bleachers, smoking, as the men’s soccer team practices on the field.  Snape approaches the pair.

                “Hey, how ya doin’?” Snape asks.  Sirius completely ignores him.  “I had some good… rat last night,” Snape says, trying to break the ice.

                “Do I know you?” Sirius asks, annoyed.

                “See that boy?” Snape asks, pointing toward the field.

                “Yeah.”

                “That’s Remus Lupin.  I want you to go out with him,” Snape says, distaste on his tongue.

                “Yeah sure,” Sirius says sarcastically.  He and his friend laugh.  “What makes you think I would do that?  Go out with a guy?”

                Snape bravely raises an eyebrow at Sirius.  “No straight guy wears pants that tight.”  Sirius frowns and narrows his eyes at Snape.  “Look,” Snape continues.  “I can’t take out his sister until Remus starts dating.  You see, their dad’s whacked out.  He’s got this rule where Remus and Lily...”

                Sirius cuts Snape off as he gets up off of the bench.  “That’s a touching story.  It really is.  Not my problem.”

                “Would you be willing to make it your problem if I provide generous compensation?”

                Sirius is appalled and a little bit intrigued.  But mostly appalled.  “You’re gonna pay me to take out some guy?”  

                “Mmm hmm,” Snape assures him.

                Sirius contemplates this for a moment.  “How much?”

                “Twenty bucks,” Snape says.  Sirius turns his head to look at Remus again.  He violently body checks another guy, sending him sprawling on the grass.

                “Fine,” Snape says.  “Thirty bucks.”

                “Well, let’s think about this.  We go to the movies.  That’s… fifteen.  We get popcorn… that’s fifty-three.  And, uh, he’ll want M&M’s, right?  So, we’re lookin’ at seventy-five bucks.”

                “This ain’t a negotiation.  Take it or leave it, trailer park,” Snape says angrily.

                “Fifty bucks and we’ve got a deal, Fabio,” Sirius says.  Snape, frustrated, hands over fifty dollars.

* * *

 

                After soccer that day, Remus slowly walks off the field, over to his bag.  Sirius is standing there.  Remus looks at Sirius in confusion and wipes his brown curls out of his face.  Sirius definitely doesn’t think his undercut is sexy in any way.  Obviously not.  Sirius grunts and snuffs out his cigarette.

                “Hey there.  How ya doin’?” Sirius asks.  He honestly has no idea how to flirt with someone.

                “Sweating like a pig, actually.  And yourself?” Remus asks.

                “Now, there’s a way to get a guy’s attention, huh?”

                “My mission in life,” Remus replies sarcastically.  He stands with his hand on his hip.  “But, obviously I’ve struck your fancy.  So, you see, the world makes sense again.”  Remus walks away.  Sirius quickly follows.

                “Pick you up Friday, then,” Sirius says.

                “Oh, right.  Friday.  Uh huh.”

                “The night I take you to places you’ve never been before.”  Sirius didn’t know if he was coming off cool and mysterious or creepy and weird.

                “Like where?  The Honeydukes over in Hogsmeade?  Do you even know my name, Screwboy?”

                “I know a lot more that you think.  Remus.”  Sirius remembers Remus from his English class.

                The mention of his name stops Remus, but not for long.  “Doubtful.  Very doubtful.”  Remus walks away, leaving Sirius standing alone.

                On the other side of the stadium, James and Peter watch the interaction between Sirius and Remus.

                “We’re screwed,” James says in defeat.

                “Hey, no, hey.  I don’t want to hear that attitude.  I want to hear you upbeat,” Peter commands.

                “We’re screwed!” James exclaims.

                “There you go.” 

* * *

 

                Later that evening in the Lupin household, Remus washes his face in the bathroom.  Lily enters behind him.

                “Have you ever considered a new look?  I mean, seriously, you could have some definite potential buried under all this hostility,” Lily says.

                “I’m not hostile.  I’m annoyed,” Remus insists.

                “Why don’t you try being nice?  People wouldn’t know what to think.”

                “You forget that I don’t care what people think.”

                “Yes you do.”  Lily, Remus thinks, believes she can boss Remus around, just like a mother.  And just because she got their mother’s red hair…

                “No, I don’t.  You don’t always have to be who they want you to be, you know.”

                “I happen to like being adored, thank you.”

                “Where’d you get the pearls?” Remus asks, referring to the necklace on Lily’s neck.

                “They’re mom’s.”

                Remus is upset.  “And you’ve been what?  Hiding them for three years?”

                “No.  Daddy found them in a drawer last week.”

                “So, you’re just gonna start wearing them now?”

                “It’s not like she’s coming back to claim them,” Lily says, hiding her own sadness.  “And besides,” she takes a deep breath.  “They look good on me.”

                “Trust me, they don’t.”  Remus leaves the bathroom, fuming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius yet again attempts (and fails) to court Remus; Remus crashes into Snape's car.

                That weekend, Sunday, to be exact, Remus emerges from a small bookstore.  Sirius is waiting at his car, leaning casually on the hood.

                “Nice ride.  Vintage fenders,” Sirius says.

                “Are you following me?” Remus asks.

                “I was in the laundromat.  I saw your car.  I came over to say hi.”

                “Hi,” Remus says, unamused.  He moves to open the driver’s side door, but Sirius steps to block his way.  Remus sighs.

                “Not a big talker, huh?” Sirius asks.

                “Depends on the topic.  My fenders don’t really whip me into a verbal frenzy.”

                Sirius is intrigued by Remus’ resistance.  He thinks that getting a date from Remus is much more fun than he had thought it would be.  “You’re not afraid of me,” he says matter-of-factly.

                “Afraid of you?  Why would I be afraid of you?”

                “Most people are.”

                “Well, I’m not.”  Remus makes another move to open his car door, but Sirius slides over again, blocking the way.

                “Well, maybe you’re not afraid of me.  But I’m sure you’ve thought about me naked, huh?”  Sirius winks at Remus, who rolls his eyes.

                “Am I that transparent?” Remus asks sarcastically.  Remus opens the car door after forcing Sirius out of the way.  Remus starts to back out, but is blocked by Severus Snape’s car.  Snape parks (in the middle of the street behind Remus’ car) and enters a nearby store.  “What is it?  Asshole day?”

                “I hope you’re not referring to me, sweetheart,” Sirius yells from the sidewalk.  Remus rolls his eyes.

                “Hey, do you mind?” Remus yells to Snape.

                “Not at all,” Snape says.  Remus gets a wild look on his face.  He backs his car up fast, crashing into the side of Snape’s car.  Sirius watches with a delighted grin.  Snape quickly rushes out of the store.

                “You dick!” he yells.

                “Whoops,” Remus says.

* * *

 

                That night, Mr. Lupin paces around the living room while Remus sits silently on the couch.

                “Whoops!” Mr. Lupin yells incredulously.  “My insurance does not cover my dumbass son.”

                “Well, then tell them I had a seizure,” Remus says.

                “Is this about Beauxbatons?  Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?”

                “Aren’t you punishing me because mother left?”

                “You think you could leave her out of this?” Mr. Lupin says, angrily.

                “Fine.  Then, stop making my decisions for me.”

                “I’m your father.  That’s my right.”

                “So, what I want doesn’t matter?”

                “You’re eighteen.  You don’t know what you want.  And you won’t know what you want until you’re forty-five.  And if you get it, you’ll be too old to use it.”

                “I want to go to Beauxbatons!  I want you to trust me to make my own choices.  And I want you to stop trying to control my life just because you can’t control yours.” 

                “Oh yeah?  Well, you know what I want?”  Mr. Lupin’s beeper goes off, signaling that he is needed at the hospital.  “We’ll continue this later.”

                “Can’t wait,” Remus mocks.  He walks up the stairs, but is intercepted by Lily, who is on the phone. 

                “Did you just hit Snape’s car?” Lily asks angrily.

                “Yeah, looks like you’re gonna have to take the bus,” Remus says flatly.

                “Has the fact that you’re a complete psycho managed to escape your attention?” Lily exclaims.  Remus doesn’t answer, but rather walks away. 

                “Daddy!” Lily calls, despite the fact that he had just left.

* * *

 

                At school that Monday, Sirius shuts his locker.  Snape is standing there, glowering in his anger.

                “When I shell out fifty, I expect results,” Snape says.

                “Yeah, I’m on it,” Sirius replies, shrugging Snape off.

                “Watching the dick violate my car doesn’t count as a date.  If you don’t get any, I don’t get any.  Let’s go get some.”  Snape starts to walk away. 

                “I just upped my price,” Sirius yells after him.  Snape turns around.

                “What?” he asks, incredulous.

                “A hundred buck a date.  In advance.”

                “Forget it,” Snape says.

                “Forget her sister, then,” Sirius answers, smiling because he knows that he’ll get what he wants.  And, of course, he does. 

                After a moment’s pondering, Snape pull another fifty dollar bill out of his wallet.  “You better hope you’re as smooth as you think you are, Black.”  Sirius takes the money with a grin.              

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> I'm trash, you're trash, we're all trash... what else is new?
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated...
> 
> Find me on tumblr at fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Peter plan to help Sirius get a date with Remus; James and Lily sneak into Remus' room.

                James and Peter enter woodshop together.  They make a beeline for Sirius, but argue over who has to talk to him.

                “Go,” James says.

                “No, you go,” Peter argues.

                “I went last time,” James says.  Peter grunts and strolls closer to Sirius.  James follows, gaining more confidence.  He talks to Sirius.

                “We know what you’re trying to do, with Remus Lupin,” James says.

                “Is that right?  And what do you plan to do about it?” Sirius replies, sanding a piece of wood.

                “Help you out,” Peter says.

                “Why’s that?”  Sirius has a small smirk on his face. 

                “The situation is, my man James here has a major boner for Lily Lupin,” Peter says.  James punches him in the shoulder.

                “Hey!” James says.

                “What is it with this chick?  She have beer-flavored nipples?”

                “I think I speak correctly here when I say that James’ love is pure.  Purer than say… Severus Snape’s,” Peter says.

                “Look, I’m in on this for the cash.  Snape can plow whoever he wants.”

                “Okay!” James practically yells.  “There will be no plowing!”

                “Sirius, uh…  Let me explain something to you here.  We set this whole thing up so James can get the girl.  James.  Snape’s just a pawn.”

                “So you two are gonna help me tame the wild beast?”

                Peter grins.  “We’ll do some research.  We’ll find out what Remus likes.  We are your guys.”

                James speaks up.  “And he means that in a strictly non-prison-movie type of way.”

                Sirius narrows his eyes at James.  Before anything can happen, Peter interjects.  “Let’s start here.  Now, Friday night.  Emmeline Vance is having a party.  It’s the perfect opportunity.”

                “For what?” Sirius asks, finally moving his glare from James.

                “For you to take out Remus,” Peter says.

                “I’ll think about it,” Sirius says.  He walks away, leaving as Peter and James grin at each other.

* * *

 

                James and Peter stand at the top of the winding stairwell.  They hold two stacks of papers.  Emmeline Vance was indeed having a party, only it was technically a small study session for the honors students.  Peter and James had changed the flyers to read “FREE BEER!  DON’T CALL!  JUST SHOW UP!” instead of “wine and cheese”.  Emmeline Vance is in for a big surprise.

                Peter and James throw the flyers down the stairs.  They flutter down and students grab them at every level.   Clamors erupt as people gossip and make plans for the party.

* * *

 

                Lily stands at her locker, accompanied by Snape, who holds two almost-identical pictures of himself.  The only difference is the shirts—in one, Snape is wearing a black shirt, and in the other, white.

                “Okay, now, this is important.  Which do you like better?”

                “Umm… I think I like the white shirt better,” Lily answers.

                Snape nods.  “Yeah… it’s more…”

                “Pensive?” Lily offers.

                “Damn,” Snape curses.  “I was going for thoughtful.  So, you going to Emmeline Vance’s thing on Friday night?”

                “Yeah, I might.”  Snape gives Lily a flirty smile.

                “Good,” Snape says.  “’Cause, you know, I’m not gonna bother if you won’t be there.”  The bell rings.  “I’ll see you there, yeah?”

                “Okay.”

                “Bye.”  Lily walks away.  Snape looks in a mirror, winking at himself before fixing a misplaced hair.  He hurries off to class, but swaggers, so it seems like he’s cool…, but not like he’s necessarily _trying_ to be cool.  It just happens.

* * *

 

                After their tutoring session, James and Lily go on a walk.  No one else is around.

                “So, have you heard about Emmeline Vance’s party?” James asks.

                “Yes.  And I really, really, really wanna go, but I can’t.  Not unless my brother goes.”

                “Yeah, I know.  I’m workin’ on that.  But so far, he’s not going for my guy… Are you sure he’s not…”

                “Secretly straight?  No.  That’d be pretty dumb, pretending to be gay.  Plus, I found a copy of _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ in his room, book and movie.  You know, the one with Ben Barnes.  I’m pretty sure he’s not harboring opposite-sex tendencies.”

                “Okay.  So that’s the kind of guy he likes?  Pretty guys?” James asks.

                “I don’t know.  All I’ve ever heard him say is that he’d die before dating a guy that smokes.”

                “Okay.  All right.  What else?” James presses.

                “You’re asking me to investigate the inner workings of my brother’s twisted mind.  I don’t think so,” Lily refuses.

                “Well, nothing else has worked.  I mean, we need to go behind enemy lines here.”

                The two end up in Remus’ bedroom.  Lily rifles through his dresser drawers while James watches.

                “Okay, here we go,” Lily says.  Lily hands James her findings as she lists them off.  “Class schedule, reading list, tea packets, tea _cup_ , concert tickets, sweater receipts, and… uhh… lace underwear?”

                James looks flustered; he shuffles, unrestful.  “What does that tell us?”

                “He wants to have sex someday, that’s what,” Lily says, putting things back in the drawer.  She seems unperturbed.

                “He could just like the color…” James offers, more than uncomfortable at this point.

                “You don’t buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it,” Lily says matter-of-factly.

                “Oh… So, could I see your room?” James asks, eager to get out of Remus’ room, lest he come back and find him there, handling his underwear.  Getting into Lily’s room would merely be a bonus.

                “No.  People’s room are very personal,” Lily says, blushing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you like thing chapter because it was honestly my favorite to write so far..., what with the talk of lingerie and sex and The Picture Of Dorian Gray (oh my!)...
> 
> anyway... find me (as usual) at fiftyshadesofthegreylady.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets info on Remus, and he heads to a club to see Remus.

                Later that night, James and Peter enter a bar, which they had tracked Sirius into.  The place reeks of smoke and sweat and gasoline and alcohol.  The pair walks in between burly and surly men and women, fighting hard not to get pushed around as people bustle around the bar, spilling their drinks and lighting new cigarettes.

                “Wow.  Is this what a bar looks like?” James asks, asking the obvious.

                “Don’t touch anything,” Peter says.  “You might get hepatitis.”  James’ hand recoils from where it was about to grab a beer off of the bar.  They walk to the very back of the bar, by the pool tables.  Sirius plays by himself, trying to ignore the _very_ public couple in the corner…  Sirius can’t tell, but he is pretty sure the couple is Frank and Alice, who, if you remember, just had that nasty breakup.

                “So, what’ve you got for me?” Sirius says, glancing up from his game.

                “A little insight into a very complicated boy,” James answers.  “First thing: Remus hates cigarettes.”  James pulls the cigarette out of Sirius’ fingers and drops it on the floor, grounding it in with the toe of his shoe.

                “You’re telling me I’m a… non-smoker?” Sirius asks, cringing as he says it.

                “Yeah, but just with cigarettes.  Weed’s okay,” Peter says.  Sirius looks surprised.  “What?” Peter asks.  “You’re not telling me you’ve never seen Remus and his friends after soccer practice?”

                Before Sirius can reply, James talks.  “And there’s another problem…  Lily said that Remus likes… pretty guys.”

                Sirius stares at James and Peter for a full minute.  “Are you telling me I’m not a pretty guy?”

                Peter rushes to reassure Sirius.  “He’s very pretty!  He’s a gorgeous guy.”  It’s fair to say that the conversation has taken a rather awkward turn by this point.

                “I wasn’t sure.  I didn’t know,” James mutters to his feet.  At that moment, James remembers the list in his pocket.  “Alright,” he reads.  “Likes: Welsh food, social justice, tea, and ‘music of the indie-rock persuasion’.  Here’s a list of CDs he has in his room.”  James hands over another list, crumpled up.

                “So I’m supposed to buy him some Shepard’s pie and a cuppa and sit around listening to people who can’t play music, right?” Sirius asks.

                “Have you ever been to Club Hog’s Head?” Peter asks.  “His favorite band is playing there tomorrow night.”

                “I can’t be seen at Club Hog’s Head, alright?”

                “But he’ll be there.  He’s got tickets,” James pleads.  “Just assail your ears for one night.”

                “He has a pair of black lace underwear, if that helps…,” Peter teases.  “Couldn’t hurt, right?”

                Sirius Orion Black Most Definitely Does Not blush at all.  Not at all.

* * *

 

                The next day, Sirius takes a deep breath as he pushes open the door to Club Hog’s Head.  Walking down the various hallways, he is eyed by men and women alike.  He pays little attention to them.  He is on a mission.  Sirius spots Remus across the dance floor, dancing with Mary MacDonald.  Sirius leans against the bar as Remus shouts to Mary.

                “I need agua!”  It is loud in the club and Mary can barely hear Remus, but she nods anyway.  When he reaches the bar, Remus notices Sirius.  A disgusted look paints his face.  “If you’re planning on asking me out again, you might as well just get it over with.”

                “Would you mind?” Sirius asks, pretending to be enthralled by the music.  “You’re kind of ruining this for me.”

                “You’re not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.”

                “Kind of hypocritical of you to point that out, eh Moony?” Sirius says, referring to the blatant moon-phases tattoo on his hip, which is usually covered up by clothes when he’s at school.  “Besides, I quit.  Apparently they’re bad for you.” 

                Remus merely narrows his eyes at Sirius and wipes a stray curl off of his forehead.  Which definitely does not make Sirius Black’s heart race.  Because Sirius Black is a Cool Guy and he cannot be overcome with _regular emotions_.

                “You know,” Sirius says, clearing his throat.  “These guys are no Death Eaters or Weird Sisters, but they’re not bad.”  Sirius straightens and walks into the crowd, leaving Remus behind in shock.  Remus rushes after Sirius.

                “You know who the Death Eaters are?”

                “Why?  Don’t you?  I was watching you out there before…”

                The song that the band was playing ends, sending the club into silence.  Because of that, Sirius yells the next line to a quiet club full of people.

                “… I’ve never seen you look so sexy.”  The crowd laughs loudly.  Sirius grins, trying to play off his embarrassment.  “Come to Emmeline Vance’s party with me,” he continues, quieter.

                “You never give up, do you?”  Remus begins to walk away into the crowd.

                “Was that a yes?”

                “No,” Remus calls over his shoulder.

                “Well, was that a no?”

                “No.”  Remus thinks he might give Sirius a chance, after all, he’s not what he seems.

                “I’ll see you at nine-thirty then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> tumblr: fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Dorcas get Remus to go to the party; Emmeline Vance's night is ruined.

Nine PM.  Lily and Dorcas stand at the top of the stairs, dolled up for Emmeline Vance’s party.  They attempt to sneak down the stairs as Mr. Lupin sits, reading the paper and facing the opposite direction.  Evidently, they do not do a very good job of sneaking out.

                “You should have used the window,” Mr. Lupin says, not looking up from his paper.  Lily acts as if everything is normal.

                “Hi, Daddy.”

                “Hi.  Where are we going?”

                “Well, if you must know, a small study group of friends.”

                “Otherwise known as an orgy?” Mr. Lupin asks, walking over to Lily and Dorcas.

                “Mr. Lupin, please, it’s just a party,” Dorcas pleads.

                “And Hell is just a sauna.”

                Remus comes down the stairs, completely oblivious to the conversation going on.  Mr. Lupin turns to him.  “You know about any party?”

                Remus shrugs, his thoughts immediately going to Sirius, who, if he stays true to his word, will be at the door in a mere thirty minutes.  Remus highly doubts that that will actually happen.

                “People expect me to be there!” Lily says.

                “If Remus isn’t going, you’re not going.”

                 Lily turns to Remus, fuming.  “Why can’t you be normal?”

                “Define normal,” Remus offers.

                “Emmeline Vance’s party is normal.”

                “Emmeline’s party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their…”

                Dorcas and Lily, in unison, cut Remus off.  “…meaningless, consumer-driven lives.”  Remus stops, honestly surprised at how predictable he has become.

                “Can you, for just one night, forget that you’re completely wretched and be my brother?” Lily begs.  “Please.”

                Remus ponders, validating the sincerity of Lily’s question.  “Fine.  I’ll make an appearance.”

                Dorcas and Lily are thrilled.  They look at each other, screaming gleefully.  They rush Remus, hugging him from both sides.

                “It’s starting,” says Mr. Lupin.

                “It’s just a party, Daddy,” Lily says.  Mr. Lupin looks dazed.

                “Uh huh,” he says.

                “We’re going now,” Remus says.

                “Alright, wait a minute,” Mr. Lupin says.  “No drinking.  No drugs.  No kissing.  No tattoos.  No piercings.  No ritual animal slaughter of any kind… Oh no, I’m giving them ideas…”

                Remus chuckles to himself.  If his father knew half the things Remus does, that he smokes pot, that he already has tattoos, that he has piercings, the _sex_ …  At that last thought, he opens the door to find Sirius leaning against the doorframe.

                “What are you doing here?” Remus asks, surprised.

                “Nine-thirty, right?  I know that I’m early…”

                “Oh no,” Mr. Lupin says.  He walks over to Sirius.  “Are you here to impregnate my daughter?”

                Sirius snorts.  “I can assure you that I am not here to impregnate your daughter.  I’m here to get with your son.”

                Mr. Lupin looks appalled.  “My son is not a… a… _homosexual_!”

                “Dad!” Remus shouts.  “We’ve been over this.  I indeed _am_ ‘a homosexual’.”  He does air quotes with his fingers there.  “However,” he says, turning back to Sirius.  “That does not mean you’re going to ‘get with’ me.”  Remus does air quotes again.  Sirius just smirks.

* * *

 

                James and Peter are at Peter’s house, getting ready for the party.

                “…so then Lily says that I was right.  That she didn’t wear the Green Hufflepuff’s with the dress because she thought it was mixing genres.  Right?  And the fact that I noticed—and this is a direct quote—‘really meant something’.”

                “You told me that part already,” Peter says, annoyed.  James’ face deflates.

                “I’ve been thinking about it all the time.”

                “Stop being so self-involved for one minute.  How do I look?”  Peter straightens his bowtie in the mirror.

                “You look like my father.  And his name is _Fleamont_.”

                “You think I should lose the tie?”

                “Obviously.  Yeah.”

                “Maybe you’re right.  I’m just so nervous, you know?  And I’m also very excited.  I’m nervous and excited.  It’s all very mixed up.  I don’t know…”  Peter runs his palms over his pants, attempting to dry them.

                “Okay, alright.  Just calm down.  Alright.”

                “The last party I went to was at the Room of Requirement.  You wanna talk about some fun?  That’s a good time.”

* * *

 

                At her house, Emmeline Vance brings in a plate of cookies.  There are kids, all honors students, sitting in a small circle, their textbooks open in their laps.

                “Now, remember,” she starts.  “Don’t touch anything.”  The doorbell rings.  “Oh!  That must be Fabian and Gideon with the color-coded note cards!”  She rushes to answer the door, but before she gets there, it is busted open and partiers pour in.  Not even a minute later, the lights are off and a DJ is playing music.  There is booze everywhere.  Emmeline Vance screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading...this was one of my favorite chapters, just because we get to see Remus' rebellious side, but also because my favorite line from the movie is in here... "and hell is just a sauna"


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tries to help Lily; James acts like a fool in front of Lily.

                At the party, Peter drifts around from girl to girl flirting and failing.  At the other end of the house, Remus walks through the crowd as Sirius trails behind him, fighting off people who randomly grab his arms or tug on his hair.  Remus accidentally runs into Severus Snape.

                “Trying to find a place for you and your boyfriend, Remus?” he says, nodding to Sirius. 

                Remus gives him a dark look as Sirius steps behind Remus, finally having caught up.  “Wait!” Remus teases, pointing to Snape’s forehead.  “Was that..?  Did your hairline just recede?”

                Snape is genuinely concerned.  He pats his hair as Remus walks away, trailed closely by Sirius.  “Hey!  Where ya goin’, Remus?” Snape shouts.

                “Away.”

                “Your sister here?”

                “Stay away from my sister.”

                Snape smiles.  “Oh, I’ll stay away from your sister.  But I can’t guarantee she’ll stay away from me.”  There is a loud crash in the next room over.

                “Fight!” someone yells.

                “Ooh, fight,” Snape says, running away.

                Emmeline Vance watches in horror as two guys brawl in the middle of her living room.  “You guys, please!  Take it outside!”  The two boys wrestle for a minute and then crash out the nearby window, landing the grass.  “Thank you,” she says, turning on her heels.

                Remus pushes through the crowd and finds Snape with Lily on his arm.

                “Hey, Rem.  Look who found me,” Snape taunts.  They walk away.

                “Lily, wait!” Remus yells.  Sirius got lost in the crowd.

                “Please don’t address me in public,” Lily says.  She has an image to uphold.

                “No wait.  There’s something I need to tell you.”

                “Look.  I am enjoying my adolescence.  Scamper off and do the same, Remus.”

                “Bye-bye,” Snape says, clearly loving this conversation.  Snape and Lily leave.  A guy with a tray of shots walks past Remus.

                “Want one?” the guy offers.  Just then, Sirius appears behind Remus, who grabs a shot and downs it, painting a grimace on his face.

                “What’s this?” Sirius asks.

                “Right on, man!” the shots guy cheers.

                “I’ve been looking all over the place for you,” Sirius says to Remus.

                “’I’m getting trashed, man,” Remus mocks.  “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do at a party?”

                “I dunno.  I say, do what you wanna do.”

                “Funny.  You’re the only one.  Later.”  Remus pushes into the crowd.    

* * *

 

                Peter attempts to flirt with a girl.

                “You know, I have a pet rat at home.”

                “Bite me,” the girl says, all but running away from Peter.

                Peter remains cheery.  “Should’ve kept the tie,” he mutters to himself.  James steps up in front of Peter.

                “Hey, have you seen her around anywhere?” James asks.  Peter spots Lily and Dorcas coming down the stairs.  He points James in their direction.

                “Relax.  Relax.  I’m telling you, follow the love, man,” Peter comforts James.

                James walks over to the girls, saying, “Hi, Lily.”

                “Oh, hi James… Um… Do you know Dorcas?” she asks, pushing Dorcas at James.

                “Yeah, I think we have art together, right?” James says, more than a bit uncomfortable.

                “Great,” Dorcas says, completely unamused.

                “So, uh, you look amazing, Lily,” James blurts out.  Dorcas makes a face at James’ obvious pass at Lily.

                “Thanks,” Lily says.  It is safe to say that she is more than a bit uncomfortable, too.  Snape, who overheard James’ compliment, walks over to the group.

                “We all know I look amazing,” he says.  Lily and Dorcas giggle lightly.  “Lily, let’s go.”

                “Um, I’ll see you around, James,” Lily says.  Snape, Dorcas, and Lily walk away, leaving James standing there in utter disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm on spring break now (yay)  
> so if you are too, happy spring break!
> 
> If not, happy school -_-
> 
> tumblr: fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily ditches Snape; Remus and Sirius both fall in different ways.

                Lily stands with Snape, not really listening to what he’s saying.  She’s thinking about school, about how she might’ve done too well on her math test the other day.  She can’t have people thinking she’s smart enough to get a _B_.

                “So, I’ve got the Slytherin catalog thing going, and the tube sock gig.  That is gonna be huge!” Snape boasts.  “And I’m up for a hemorrhoid cream ad next week.”  Lily looks aghast.  “I know it sounds kind of bogus, but… I gotta do some acting.”  Snape pauses, striking a pose against a beer keg.  Lily isn’t watching.  “You see what I did there?” he asks.

                “Um… uh…,” Lily stammers.  She doesn’t know how much more of this she can take.  She shouldn’t have let Snape pull her away from James…

                “That was underwear,” Snape says.  “I’ll show you the bathing suit one next.”  He strikes another pose; it is exactly the same.  “You see the difference?” he asks.

                Lily turns away, her facial expression showing her complete disgust with Snape.  Snape turns to another guy, showing him the poses.  Lily sneaks away to Dorcas. 

                Grabbing Dorcas’ arm, Lily says, “Is it just me, or does this party suck all of the sudden?”  The girls walk away.

* * *

 

                Elsewhere, Sirius weaves through the crowd, searching for Remus.  He finally spots Remus, who is very drunk and is standing with a shot in his hand.  Sirius tries to pull the shot out of Remus’ hand.

                “Hey, hey, hey!  Let me have this one, why don’tcha?”  Sirius tries to take the shot away, but Remus pulls it just out of Sirius’ reach. 

                “No! This one’s mine!” Remus says.  He runs away.

                Before Sirius can go after him, Snape comes up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.  “My man!” Snape says.  “How did you get him to do it?”

                “Do what?”

                “Act like a human?”

                Both guys notice how Remus has climbed up on the kitchen table.  He is dancing.  Snape rushes to watch.  “Yeah, alright!” he cheers.  A crowd forms around the table, full of screaming, yelling people.  Sirius is definitely not mesmerized by the sway of Remus’ hips and it most definitely does not cause a not-entirely-unpleasant tightening in his jeans.  Not.  At.  All.  Sirius rushes over to the table and catches Remus just as he falls off.  He had hit his head on the chandelier overhead.

                “Are you okay?” Sirius asks.

                “I’m fine.”  Remus tries to walk, but he immediately falls into Sirius again.

                “You’re not fine.  C’mon.”  Sirius leads Remus away from the crowd.

                “I just need to lie down somewhere,” Remus murmurs.

                “Uh, uh.  You lie down and you’ll go to sleep.”

                “Sleep is good.”

                “Yeah, not if you have a concussion.”  Sirius guides Remus to the back of the house toward a bench.

                “C’mon, here.  Sit down,” Sirius says, pushing Remus onto the bench.  Heavy breaths break the silence as James runs up to the pair.

                “Hey, hey.  We need to talk,” James tells Sirius.

                “I’m a little busy right now,” Sirius says, annoyed.

                “Can you give me just one second?  Please?” James pleads.  Sirius rolls his eyes, but moves to the side with James.  “It’s off, okay?  The whole thing’s off,” James says frantically.

                “What’re you talking about?”  If this is true, Sirius would honestly be rather sad.  He liked chasing after Remus and Sirius may or may not be kind of a little bit maybe falling for Remus.  Just a little bit.  Maybe.

                “Lily never wanted me.  She wanted Snape the whole time.”

                Sirius lets out a sigh.  “James, do you like the girl?”

                “Yeah.”

                “Yeah.  And is she worth all this trouble?”

                “Well, I thought she was.  But, you know, I…”

                “Well, she is or she isn’t.  See, first of all, Snape is not half the man you are.  Secondly, don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.  Go for it!”  Sirius is impatient.  Remus begins to fall off of the bench, and Sirius hurries to catch him.  Sirius stands Remus up and walks him away.  James stands near the bench, unsure of what to make of both Sirius and Sirius’ advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> Ugh I have to go back to school tomorrow :(
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both 'couples' drive home; Lily changes her outlook on life.

                Outside of Emmeline Vance’s house, Sirius leads Remus down the sidewalk.  They walk to a nearby park.

                “You’re so patronizing,” Remus says, annoyed that he is being held up by Sirius.

                “Leave it to you to use big words when you’re smashed.”  Remus pushes Sirius’ arm off and tries to walk on his own; he immediately falls and gets back up again.  “Okay…,” Sirius says, almost laughing.

                “Why are you doing this?” Remus asks.

                “I told you; you may have a concussion.”

                “You don’t care if I ever wake up.”

                “Sure, I do,” Sirius says, grinning.

                “Why?”  At the park, Remus sits down on a swing.

                “Well.  Then I’d actually have to start taking out boys who actually like me.”

                “Like you could find one.”  Leave it to Remus to be sarcastic when he’s smashed, as well.

                “See that, there?  Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?” Sirius teases as he sits on the other swing next to Remus.  “So, why’d you let him get to you?  Snape?”

                “I hate him.”

                “Well, you’ve chosen the perfect revenge: tequila.”  Sirius and Remus both laugh.

                “You know what they say…,” Remus tells him.

                “No.  What do they say?”  Instead of answering, Remus rests his head on Sirius’ shoulder and falls asleep.  Sirius gently slaps Remus’ face to wake him up. “No!  Remus!  C’mon, wake up!  Look at me!  Listen to me, Remus.  Open your eyes!”  He finally does, and Sirius lets out a sigh of relief.

                “Hey,” Remus says.  “Your eyes have a little green in them.”  Sirius smiles.  They stare into each other’s eyes.  And is Sirius imagining Remus leaning in?  Sirius thinks they might…

                Nope.  Remus vomits on Sirius’ shoes.

* * *

 

                Back at Emmeline Vance’s house, Lily and Dorcas wait on the driveway.

                “I don’t know if we should go…,” Lily says.  Snape walks up behind the girls.

                “Hey.  A bunch of us are going to Malfoy’s house.  Ready?” he asks.

                “Uh, I have to be home in twenty minutes,” Lily lies.

                “You know, I don’t have to be home ‘til two.  So…,” Dorcas trails off.

                “One more chance,” Snape says to Lily.

                “Oh, man,” Lily says, completely uninterested.  “I can’t.  Damn.”

                “That’s a shame… Well,” Dorcas says, turning to Snape.

                “You wanna go, Dorcas?” Snape asks.

                “Sure.”

                “Dorcas!” Lily exclaims.

                “Hey, you passed,” she responds.  Dorcas leaves with Snape.

                “Bitch,” Lily whispers to herself, and then she feels bad for saying it.  Just then, James leaves Emmeline’s house and stops when he sees Lily standing alone.

                “Hey.  Have fun tonight?” James asks with a slightly accusatory tone.

                “Tons,” Lily says sarcastically.  James starts to leave, but Lily says, “James?”  He stops.  “Do you think you could give me a ride home?”

* * *

 

                Sirius and Remus sit in Remus’ car.  Sirius drives as they listen to the stereo.

                “I should do this,” Remus says.

                “Do what?”

                “This,” he enunciates, pointing at the radio.

                “Start a band?”

                “No, install car stereos,” Remus says sarcastically.  “Yeah, start a band.  My father would love that.”

                Sirius pulls up to the Lupin house and stops the car.  “You don’t strike me as the type that would ask for your father’s permission.”

                “Oh, so now you think you know me?”

                “I’m gettin’ there.”

                Remus’ voice loses its venom.  “The only thing people know about me it that I’m ‘scary’.”

                “Yeah, well, I’m no picnic myself.”  The two boys stare at each other.  Eventually, Sirius speaks up, becoming uncomfortable at the growing tension between him and Remus.  “So what’s up with your dad?  Is he a pain in the ass?  I have my fair share of asshole-ish parents.”

                “No.  He just wants me to be someone I’m not.”

                “Who?”

                “Lily.”

                “Ah… Lily.  No offense or anything, I mean, I know everyone digs your sister.  But, umm… She’s without.”

                Remus gives him a small smile.  “You know, you’re not as vile as I thought you were.”  Remus leans into Sirius.  Against his better judgement, Sirius tangles his fingers in Remus’ curly locks—something he’s wanted to do for a long time.  Remus plants his lips on Sirius’ jaw and starts to trail a hand down his jeans.  It’s hard for Sirius (in more ways than one…).  Sirius realizes he can’t do this to Remus while he’s drunk.  He pulls Remus’ hand out of his boxers and lightly pushes him away.

                “Maybe we should do this another time,” Sirius says.  It physically pains him to say it, though he knows that he’s doing the right thing.

                Remus is pissed.  He gets out of the car and stomps up to the house.  Sirius hits his head against the steering wheel.  He is so completely gone for Remus John Lupin, and he may have just messed it all up.  

* * *

 

                On the other side of the Lupin house, James sits with Lily in his car.  James is mad, and he finally breaks.

                “You never wanted to go sailing with me, did you?”

                “Yes I did,” Lily says, trying to be nice.

                “No.  You didn’t.”

                “Well, okay.  No.  Not actually.”

                “Well, then that’s all you had to say.  You always been this selfish?”  James is livid and the words just keep pouring out of his mouth.

                Lily thinks for a second.  “Yes,” she whispers.  She’s trying something new: kindness and honesty.  Lily realizes this might be the time where she changes herself, takes down her façade, and she only thought of this because of Snape’s idiocy and how she hurt James.

                James begins his rant.  “You know, just because you’re beautiful, doesn’t mean you can treat people like they don’t matter.  I mean, I really like you.  Okay?  I defended you when people called you conceited.  I helped you when you asked me to.  I learned Spanish for you!  And then you just blow me off…”

                Lily huffs and grabs James’ face.  She kisses him, and then leaves the car without another word.  James’ face lights up like a thousand suns as Lily runs in the house.

                “And I’m back in the game!” he yells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Brownie points if you noticed the (very) subtle nod at The Song of Achilles.
> 
> Ha! I liked writing this chapter :)
> 
> Ugh tomorrow I have to start my week-long egg baby project for health :((


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets teased in class; James spills about his kiss with Lily.

Monday morning, Remus enters English class.  Kids poke fun at him for dancing at the party that weekend.

                “Remus, my man, you sway to the rhythm of me heart,” a white Rasta girl jokes.

                “Dance for me, cowboy,” someone else says.

                “Remus, babe, what do we owe you for the table dance?” Snape asks.

                “Alright,” Professor McGonagall asks in her booming voice.  “Not that I care, but how was everyone’s weekend?”

                “Oh, I don’t know,” Snape says.  “Maybe we should ask Remus.”

                “Unless he kicked the crap out of your dumb butt, I don’t wanna hear about it.  Okay, let’s open up our books to page 394, Sonnet 141.  And listen up.”  McGonagall proceeds to recite part of the poem with the lilt of a rapper.

_“In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,_

_For they in thee a thousand errors note;_

_But ‘tis my heart that loves what they despise,_

_Who, in despite of view, is pleas’d to dote;”_

                “Now, I know Shakespeare’s a dead guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.  I want you all to write your own version of Sonnet 141.”  The class groans.  Remus raises his hand, making McGonagall look annoyed.

                “Yes, Mr. I-have-an-opinion-about-everything?”

                “Do you want this in iambic pentameter?” he formally asks.

                “You’re not going to fight me on this?”

                “No.  I think it’s a really good assignment.”

                Professor McGonagall laughs.  “You’re just messin’ with me, aren’t you?”

                “No.  I’m really looking forward to writing it.”

                McGonagall thinks that Remus is mocking her.  “Get out of my class.”

                “What?”

                “Out.  Get out!”

                Remus looks confused, but he quickly gathers his belongings and leaves the classroom, careful not to look at Sirius, who, for once, actually showed up to class.

                “Thanks, Professor,” Snape says.

                “Shut up,” McGonagall snaps.

* * *

 

                Later that day, Mary MacDonald opens her locker.  Peter walks up, looking at the drawings of William Shakespeare on the inside of her locker.

                “Hey,” Peter says.  “That’s a cool picture.  What’s the collar for?  Is it to keep him from licking his stitches?”  Peter laughs at his own joke, but quickly notices Mary’s stoic face.  “Kidding.  No, because I know you’re a fan of Shakespeare.”

                “More than a fan,” Mary answers.  “We’re _involved_.”

                “Okay.”  Mary continues to ignore Peter, who starts to recite Shakespeare.  “ _Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart_ …”

                “… _courage to make love known?_ ” Mary finishes.

                “Macbeth, right?”

                “Yeah,” Mary answers, stunned.

                “So, listen.  I have this friend…”

* * *

 

                Out on the bleachers, Sirius sits with James as they watch the men’s soccer team practice.  Sirius concentrates on Remus’ legs just below his shorts, how the muscles clench and ripple.  Sirius notices how sweaty curls stick to Remus’ forehead.

                “What’d you do to him?” James asks.

                “I didn’t do anything, that’s what happened.  He would’ve been too drunk to remember.”

                “But the plan was working.”

                “What do you care?  I thought you wanted out.”

                “Yeah, well I did, but, uh, that was until she kissed me,” James says, blushing.

                Sirius grins.  “Where?”

                “In the car.”  Sirius’ face falls.  That wasn’t what he had meant… 

                Peter runs over to the pair, nearly getting trampled by a group of joggers on the track.

                “Alright, I talked to her.  I got the scoop,” he says.

                “What did she say?” James asks.

                “Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns.  That’s a direct quote.”

                “Thanks, Paul.  That’s very comforting of you,” Sirius says, misnaming Peter to maintain that Cool Guy persona.

                “We don’t know.  He could just need a day to cool off,” James optimistically says.  That statement is immediately undermined.  A soccer ball flies over, nearly missing Sirius’ head.  The boys look at the field to see Remus glaring at them from the edge of the field.  When Sirius looks up, Remus flips him off.

                “Maybe two,” Sirius says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone, for reading!
> 
> Ahhhh we're getting towards the end....  
> I'm so excited!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated (and I appreciate the ones you leave already!)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus bothers Lily; Sirius bothers Remus.

                The next morning, Remus walks down the hallway with Mary MacDonald.    He spots a poster for the upcoming prom and tears it down hastily.

                “Can you imagine who would go to that antiquated mating ritual?” Remus asks.  Mary looks crestfallen.

                She raises her hand and says, “I would.  But I don’t have a date.”

                “Do you really want to get all dressed up so some Godric Gryffindor-wearing player with a boner can feel you up while you’re forced to listen to a band that, by definition, sucks?”

                “Alright, alright,” Mary concedes.  “We won’t go.  It’s not like I’ve got a dress already.”  Mary most definitely _does_ have a dress already.

                “You’re looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective.  We’re making a statement,” Remus says.

                “Oh, goody,” Mary mocks sarcastically.  “Something new and different for us.”  Remus laughs as they continue walking.

* * *

 

                In gym class, Professor Sprout (who is also the men’s soccer coach) instructs the kids as they shoot arrows at targets positioned a length down the football field.  Snape, not in the gym class, and who is probably missing an important class, like math or science, walks up to Lily.  Lily has her eye trained on the target.

                “Hey there, Lily-flower,” Snape says.

                Lily doesn’t look over.  “Hi.”

                “You’re concentrating awfully hard considering its gym class.”

                Lily turns to look at Snape, and, in doing so, she releases the arrow at an angle that’s nowhere near the target.  A far off cry is heard (from Professor Sprout), but the pair pays her no attention.  Lily looks mad; she isn’t happy about having to talk to Severus.

                “Can I help you?” she snaps.

                “I want to talk to you about prom.”

                “Look, you know the deal.  I can’t go if Remus doesn’t go.”  Honestly, Lily is kind of happy that she has this excuse to brush Snape off.  She really _does_ want to go to prom, though.  Just not with Snape.

                Behind Snape and Lily, Professor Sprout crumples to the ground, clutching the arrow protruding from her leg.  Dorcas runs over to help.

                “Your brother is going,” Snape says with confidence.  Lily’s heart flutters with excitement, and then stutters with worry.  She does _not_ want to go with Snape.  How will she get out of this?

                “Since when?” Lily asks.

                “Oh, let’s just say I’m taking care of it,” Snape says.  Lily is disgusted with him.

* * *

 

                Sirius stands at his locker later that day, trying to resist the urge to go outside for a cigarette.  Snape walks up to him and hands him a pair of hundred dollar bills.  Sirius takes them with a questioning look on his face.

                “Here,” Snape starts.  “This should take care of the flowers, the limo, the tux, whatever.  Just make sure he gets to the prom.”

                Sirius’ heart stops.  He doesn’t feel that it is right to keep taking the money from Snape.  He’s really falling for Remus, and Sirius doesn’t think that _this_ should be the way he tries to get Remus to go out with him.

                “You know what?” Sirius asks.  “I’m sick of playing your little game.”  Sirius shoves the money back at Snape, who shoves a hand in his pocket.

                “You sick of, say, 300 dollars?” Snape asks.  The money is tempting.  Sirius, a little tortured, eventually takes the money, but vows that it would be the last time.

* * *

 

                Sirius goes to find Remus after school.  He is in a music store.  Remus has headphones in and a guitar strap around his neck.  Remus plays loudly, and he doesn’t notice Sirius come up behind him.  Sirius watches for a minute, enjoying the way Remus’ arms ripple through the fabric of his shirt.  Eventually, Sirius decides to come back later, when he’s not so ‘ _hot and bothered_ ’, per se.

* * *

 

                Sirius follows Remus into a bookstore.  In the opposite aisle, Sirius watches Remus through the books.  At the end of the aisle, Sirius confronts Remus.

                “Excuse me,” he asks formally.  “Have you seen _The Charioteer_ by Mary Renault?  I’ve lost my copy.”

                “What are you doing here?” Remus asks, slightly angry (partially at Sirius, but partly at himself for still being kind of sort of maybe a little bit attracted to Sirius.  Only kind of, though.  Just a little bit.)

                “I heard there was a poetry reading,” Sirius says.

                “Ugh,” Remus groans.  “You’re so…”

                “Charming?  Wholesome?” Sirius offers.  “Unbearably sexy?’

                “Unwelcome,” Remus finishes.  Remus turns away and walks down another aisle.

                “You’re not as mean as you thing you are, you know that?” Sirius says, catching up to Remus.

                “And you’re not as badass as you think you are.”

                “Ooh, someone still has their britches in a twist,” Sirius mocks.

                “Don’t, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my pants.”

                “Then what did I have an effect on?” Sirius asks, waggling his eyebrows.

                “Other than my upchuck reflex?  Nothing,” Remus answers.  Sirius’ face falls.  Remus heads for the door after slamming a copy of _The Charioteer_ on Sirius’ chest.  Remus leaves.

                If he wanted to win Remus over, Sirius was going to have to try much harder.  And Sirius _does_ want to win him over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We're nearing the end :(
> 
> Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> IDK I couldn't come up with a good title, so I eventually picked Mary Renault... (Which I have not read, so if its bad or has bad things in it, I had no idea.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius tries to win back Remus; Professor Sprout gets an eyeful.

                At lunch the next day, James and Peter show up on either side of Sirius as he picks up food from the cafeteria line.

                “You’re right,” Sirius mutters.  “He’s still pissed.”

                “Sweet love!” Peter yells.  “Renew thy force!”

                “Hey, man!  Don’t say shit like that to me.  People can hear you,” Sirius hisses as he glances around him.

                “Look,” James starts, arrogant as if he’s the world’s foremost expert on relationships now because he’s kissed Lily.  “You embarrassed the guy.  Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score.”  Sirius frowns and walks away.

                “Listen,” Peter says to James.  “Don’t say shit like that to him.  People can hear you.”

* * *

 

                Sirius swaggers down a deserted hallway.  He hands a wad of cash—roughly 300 dollars, the same amount Snape paid him—to another student.

* * *

 

                A student turns up the volume in the field announcer’s booth later that day.  The field is taken up by the soccer team, where Remus is currently shooting balls on goal.  The student flips on a switch labelled “Field Mic Announce”.

* * *

                Sirius stands at the top of the bleachers, looking down at the field.  He brings the microphone in his hands to his lips and begins singing.

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

_You'd be like heaven to touch_

_I wanna hold you so much_

_At long last love has arrived_

_And I thank God I'm alive_

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

As Sirius finishes the first verse, he signals at the student to whom he gave the money earlier.  The student, the leader of the school marching band, leads said band out onto the field.  They begin playing the music for the song.  Remus is thrilled; he has a huge smile on his face.  The other guys on the soccer team look around at who the song is directed at.  Some of them laugh at the moment’s absurdity.

_Pardon the way that I stare_

_There's nothing else to compare_

_The sight of you leaves me weak_

_There are no words left to speak_

_But if you feel like I feel_

_Please let me know that it's real_

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

Two cops show up on the bleachers.  The cops grab Sirius as the soccer team applauds his performance.  They are still confused as to whom the song is meant for, but they aren’t going to argue a little entertainment.  Sirius breaks free of the cops and continues down the bleachers as he sings the chorus.

_I love you baby and if it's quite all right_

_I need you baby to warm the lonely nights_

_I love you baby, trust in me when I say_

_Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray_

_Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you stay_

_And let me love you baby, let me love you_

                Remus grins widely as Sirius runs out of the stadium.

* * *

 

                The next afternoon, Sirius is in his scheduled detention for his little _escapade_ the day before.  Detention is run by Professor Sprout, the coach of the men’s soccer team and the gym teacher.  Professor Sprout tries to sit on the edge of the desk, but winces and grabs her thigh in pain from the arrow wound.  Someone in the back of the classroom giggles.

                A stoner kid sits at the front of the classroom, sweating profusely. 

                “You look pretty nervous,” Professor Sprout says to him.

                “Yes, ma’am.”

                “Your eyes are all… bloodshot.”

                “Yes, ma’am.”

                “You’ve got pot, don’t you?”

                The stoner kid hands her a bag of weed.

                “I’m confiscating this,” Professor Sprout says.  She walks by another desk; the student at this desk has a bag of chips sitting atop a pile of books.  She takes the chips.  “This too.”

                At that moment, Remus enters the room, letting out a sigh that he had finally found the room that Sirius was in for detention.  He approaches Professor Sprout’s desk.  Sirius looks up and is shocked to see Remus.

                “Um, ma’am?  I have some ideas on how we can improve the men’s soccer team,” Remus says.

                “Great!  Let’s talk about it later.”  Professor Sprout turns away and Remus uses the time to motion to Sirius. 

                “The window,” Remus whispers.  Sirius, ever oblivious, doesn’t understand.  “Window!”  Professor Sprout turns back around and Remus quickly laughs to cover up.  “As you know,” he continues to Sprout.  “We have a really big game against Durmstrang…”

                Seeing his chance, Sirius runs for the side of the room as Remus keeps distracting Sprout.  Sprout starts to look over at Sirius, but Remus grabs Sprout’s arm and stops her.

                “Wow!” he says.  “You’re bicep is huge!  Oh my god.  The other one is even bigger!  You don’t take steroids, do you?  Because I’ve heard steroids can damage your… chest,” Remus says, waving a hand at Professor Sprout’s upper body.  Sprout, who should be thoroughly creeped out, actually, somehow, seems somewhat flattered for some weird reason.  “That’s not the point,” Remus says.

                “Let’s hope not,” Sprout says, though she’s flushing deeply.  Sprout turns her head as she hears a creaking sound (Sirius), but Remus gains her attention.

                “The point is: they kick our butts every year.  I was thinking.  I devised a plan that will enable us to finally defeat them.”

                “Which is?”

                Sirius is steadily sneaking closer and closer to the window.  Remus wishes he would just _hurry up_!

                “That thing you taught us,” Remus says ambiguously.

                “What thing?”

                “Misdirection.”

                “I taught you that?”

                “Yeah…. You, or Siegfried.  Or Roy.  Anyway, that’s not important.  The…”  Sprout goes to turn her head again, but Remus grabs her chin and moves her head from side to side as he talks.  “Think about it!  Um, they’re looking left, and we’re running right.  Bang!  We score.  We win.”  Remus is making this up as he goes along.  He starts panicking; he is running out of stuff to say and Sirius still hasn’t made it to the window.  What is he doing?

                “Okay,” Sprout says.  “But how do we get ‘em to look left?”

                Remus is desperate.  “Um, like this.”  He drags his jeans down low enough and his shirt high enough for Professor Sprout to blush profusely.  Sirius leaps out the window.  Kids in the classroom cheer, both at Sirius’ escape and the flash of Remus’ abs and junk.  “Okay.  Well,” Remus starts, moving his clothes back to their proper place.  Sprout is still blushing.  “Now that you’ve seen… The Plan, I’m gonna go and show The Plan to someone else.”  _Hopefully Sirius,_ Remus thinks.  Remus walks out of the classroom as the whole class applauds.  Sprout fans herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, this was the best chapter to write....
> 
> And in writing this, I realized that it is totally ~normal~ for a girl to flash a male teacher.... (like in the movie), but it comes off as creepy when a boy flashes a female teacher. *sighs* gotta love double standards....
> 
> idk
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius spend an afternoon together.

                Sirius and Remus paddle around a lake on a small boat that they rented.  They are both laughing.

                “I can’t thank you enough for helping me sneak out of detention.  Very cool,” Sirius says.

                “No problem.”

                “I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window, I tell ya.  So how did you keep her distracted?” 

                Remus realizes with a start that Sirius hadn’t seen what he’d done.  He can’t very well say that he flashed her.  He concocts a lie.  “I dazzled her with my… wits.”

                There is a slight silence.  “So, what’s your excuse?” Sirius asks.

                “For?”

                “Acting the way we do.”

                Remus has to think for a second.  “I don’t like to do what people expect.  Why should I live up to other people’s expectations instead of my own?”

                “So, you disappoint them from the start and then you’re covered, right?”

                “Something like that.”  Remus feels… something.  Not sadness, exactly.  But he feels kind of let down, in a way.

                “Then you screwed up,” Sirius says with a smile.

                “How?”

                “You never disappointed me.”  The two stare romantically into each other’s eyes for a moment.  Gross.  “Are you up for it?” Sirius asks.

                “Up for what?”

* * *

 

                Remus and Sirius chase each other around, covered in paint.  They laugh and scream as they get hit with the paintballs.  Sirius falls, pulling Remus down with him.  Their lips meet in a rush of adrenaline and tension and _need_ before the game resumes.

* * *

 

                Sirius pulls up outside the Lupin house.  There are still streaks of paint in both of their hair.

                “No, none of that stuff is true,” Sirius says, continuing their conversation as they walk to the porch.  The sun is only starting to set.

                “Auror?”

                “Fallacy.  Uh, dead guy in the parking lot?”

                “Rumor.  The rat?”

                “Hearsay.  Lucius Malfoy’s balls?” Sirius asks, a smile tugging at his lips. 

                “Fact.  But he deserved it.  He tried to grope a girl in the lunch line.”

                “Fair enough.”

                “The accident?” Remus asks, hoping he’s not going too far.

                “It’s real.  I lived in England until I was ten.”

                “With the Queen?”

                “Close.  With my bitch of a mother.”

                “Where were you last year?  I know the porn career’s a lie.”

                “Do you?” Sirius asks, cocking his eyebrow.  Remus smiles and tries to shake the _rather dirty_ thoughts from his head.

                “Tell me something true,” Remus eventually says.

                “Something true?  I hate peas.”

                “No.  Something real.  Something no one else knows.” 

                Sirius pulls Remus close and starts to kiss his neck.  “Okay. You’re sweet.  And sexy.  And completely hot for me.”

                “You’re amazingly self-assured.  Has anyone ever told you that?”

                “I tell myself that every day, actually,” Sirius says with a twinge of honesty.  He kisses Remus, and Remus leans into him.  “Go to the prom with me,” Sirius mumbles against his lips.  He actually _wants_ to go with Remus; Snape and his money can both go to hell.

                “Is that a request or a command?” Remus asks, pulling away.

                “C’mon,” Sirius pleads.  “Go with me.”

                “No.”

                “No?  Why not?”  Sirius is hurt, but he makes sure his face doesn’t show it.

                “Because I don’t want to.  It’s a stupid tradition.”

                “C’mon.  People won’t expect you to go.”  Sirius _really really_ wants Remus to go with him.

                Remus starts to get angry.  “Why are you pushing this?  What’s in it for you?”

                “Oh, so I need to have a motive to want to be with you?” Sirius asks defensively.

                “You tell me,” Remus says.

                “You need therapy, you know that?  Has anyone ever told you that?”

                Remus is a little suspicious, but also hurt.  “Answer the question, Sirius.”

                “Nothing!  There is nothing in it for me!”  This is _technically_ not a lie since Sirius had already spent the money he got from Snape on serenading Remus at soccer.  “Just the pleasure of your company, okay?”  Sirius pulls out a cigarette, as it will calm him down.  Remus throws it on the ground, storms off, and slams the door to the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!  
> Almost done!!!!!!
> 
> Tumblr: fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and James study; Remus talks with Lily.

                James and Lily sit together at a table in the school library.  They are having a Spanish study-date after school.  Lily stares at James as he struggles with the language.  _She_ is the one who is supposed to be getting tutored, not that she really needs to be tutored.

                “May I offer you a parsnip?” James asks in Spanish.  His finger traces the lines in the book.

                “No, you may not,” Lily answers, rather bored.

                “Where is my uncle’s pencil?”

                “I don’t know.  Perhaps it’s up your ass?” Lily replies, rolling her eyes.

                “Wait,” James says, flustered. He switches to English.  “Wait a minute.  That’s not on this page.”

                “Let me as you a question, James,” Lily says, still in Spanish.  “When are you going to ask me out?”  She storms off, leaving James to page through his book in a weak attempt to translate Lily’s sentences.

                “Shit,” James curses.  He doesn’t understand.

* * *

 

                Mary Macdonald, Remus’ best friend, opens her locker the next day.  Inside is a beautiful period-style red dress with a note.  The note reads “ _O Fair One.  Join me at the prom.  I will be waiting.  Love, William S.”_ Mary grins to herself.

* * *

 

                At the Lupin house, Mr. Lupin is on the back patio doing some exercises in one of his rare, non-busy hours.

                “Seven,” he grunts, doing a crunch.  “Good.”  Mr. Lupin stands as Lily walks onto the patio.

                “Daddy?” Lily says.

                “Hi, Honey.”

                “Um, I want to discuss tomorrow night.  As you know, it’s the prom…”  Lily stops as the elastic band Mr. Lupin was stretching with flies out of his grasp into the neighbor’s pool.

                “The prom?” Mr. Lupin asks.  “Remus has a date?”

                “Well, no.”  Lily is displeased.

                “Don’t think you’re fooling me for a second.  I know who you want to bend the rules for.  It’s that hot rod Severus.”

                “What’s a ‘hot rod’?” Lily asks.  
                “It’s a…  If your brother’s not going, you’re not going.  End of story.”  Mr. Lupin has a stern look on his face.

                Lily is angry, and it shows on her face.  “Okay, let’s review.  Remus: not interested.  Me: dying to go!”

                “You know what happens at proms?”

                “Yes, Daddy.  We’ll dance, we’ll kiss, we’ll come home.  It’s not quite the crisis situation you imagine.”

                “Kissing, huh?  That’s what you think happens?  Got news for you.  Kissing isn’t what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long.”

                Lily screws up her face.  “Can we for two seconds ignore the fact that you’re severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?”

                “What’s normal?  Those damn Black Lake kids sleeping in each other’s beds and whatnot?”

                “Daddy, that is so not…”

                Mr. Lupin cuts her off.  “Got news for ya.  I’m down.  I got the 411.  And you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy.  I don’t care how dope his ride is.”

                Lily groans and storms back into the house.

                Mr. Lupin talks to himself.  “My mama didn’t raise no fool.”

                The elastic band thingy comes flying back and hits Mr. Lupin on the back of his head.

                “Thanks, Aberforth,” Mr. Lupin yells.

* * *

 

                Lily lies on her bed watching TV.  Someone knocks on her door.

                “Come in,” Lily says, annoyed.  She was expecting her father.

                “Listen, I know…”  It’s Remus.  “Listen, I know you hate having to sit at home because I’m not Mr. High School.”

                “Like you care.”  Lily is still annoyed that it is her brother.

                “I do care.  But, I’m a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons and not someone else’s.”  He wrings his hands together anxiously.

                “Well, I wish I had that luxury.  You know, I’m the only sophomore that got asked to the prom, and I can’t go because you don’t feel like it.”

                Remus changes the subject on a hairpin turn. “Snape never told you that we went out, did he?”  That catches Lily off guard.  Her shock moves to disbelief.

                “Yeah, okay,” she says sarcastically.

                “In ninth.  For a month.”  Remus is being completely serious, and Lily finally catches on.

                “Why?” she asks.

                “Because he was, like, such a babe,” Remus jokes.  “He wanted to experiment, and I was young enough to be cajoled into doing things with him.”

                “But you hate Snape.”

                “Now I do.”

                “So, what happened?”  Remus answers with a nod and a raised eyebrow, indicating they ‘went all the way’.  “Oh, please tell me you’re joking!” Lily squeals.

                Remus snorts. “Just once, right after Mom left.  Everyone was doing it, so… I did it.  He wanted to see what it felt like.  Afterwards, I told him I didn’t want to anymore because I wasn’t ready and he got pissed and scared and ran away from me.  After that, I swore I’d never do anything just because ‘everyone else’ was doing it.  And I haven’t since.  I do what—who—I want.”  Remus winks.

                Lily is dumbfounded. “How is it possible that I did not know about this?”

                “It’s not like he wanted to tell people he had sex with a dude…”

                “Okay.  So, why didn’t you tell me?”

                “I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him,” Remus says.  But, really, who wants to talk to their younger sister about all the gay sex they’ve had?  Not Remus.

                “Then, why did you let Daddy hold me hostage?  It’s not like I’m stupid enough to repeat your mistakes.”  Lily is seriously tired of being treated like a child.  A _stupid_ child.

                “I guess I thought I was protecting you,” Remus says truthfully.

                “By not letting me experience anything for myself?”

                “Not all experiences are good, Lily,” Remus says, his voice remaining shockingly calm as Lily starts to yell.  “You can’t always trust the people you want to.”  Remus tries hard to not think about Sirius.  About giving him another chance.  He almost smiles at the thought of Sirius, but he represses it.

                “Well, I guess I’ll never know, will I?”  Lily stands up and opens the door.  Remus sulks, but walks out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Okay, so I'm rereading tfc and its fucking me up soo so bad ughhh. And I have the AP test on Friday.... I'm freaking out.
> 
> See ya! hmu @fiftyshadesofthegreylady.tumblr.com


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus goes to prom; James gets threatened by Mr. Lupin.

                Remus sits in his room.  He rolls over in his bed and looks out the window.  Lily is sitting on the tire swing, looking pitiful.  Remus frowns.

* * *

 

                Later that night, Mr. Lupin sits in front of the television, completely enamored by a commercial for hair regrowth. 

                “Interesting…” he says.

                Remus descends the stairs, wearing a black tuxedo.  He walks to the door.

                “Bye, Dad.  I’m going to the prom.”  He opens the door and leaves.

                “Funny, son,” Mr. Lupin says, thinking Remus was joking.  He didn’t even look up from the commercial.               

                Lily walks down the stairs next, wearing a prom dress.  Mr. Lupin immediately stands up and walks over to her.

                “What’s that?” he asks.

                “A prom dress,” Lily says, matter-of-factly.  She really doesn’t want to get into it with her father right now, so she keeps her tone calm.

                “I seem to be hearing that word a lot lately,” Mr. Lupin says solemnly.  The doorbell rings, and Lily opens it.  James stands there, wearing a nice tuxedo.  He looks at Lily in awe.

                “Hi,” Lily says.

                “Wow.  I, umm…, wow,” James stammers.

                “Bye, Daddy,” Lily says.

                “Stop.  Turn.  Explain,” Mr. Lupin commands.

                “Okay,” Lily starts.  “Remember how you said I could date if Remus dated?  Well, he found this guy who’s actually kind of perfect for him, which is actually kind of perfect for me because James asked me to go to the prom and I really, really, really wanna go.  And since Remus went, I guess I’m allowed to, based on the aforementioned rule and its previous stipulations, of course.”

                James extends a hand to Mr. Lupin.  “Nice to meet you.”

                Lily grabs James’ outstretched hand.  “Let’s go.”  Lily pulls James off the front porch; James loses his footing and almost falls into the grass.

                “I know every cop in town, bucko!” Mr. Lupin shouts.  He mutters to himself, “This is not good.”

* * *

 

                We are at the prom, finally.  A band plays, and students sway to the beat.  Elsewhere, Remus ascends the grand staircase.  Sirius notices and hurries to catch up with him.

                “Wow,” Sirius breathes into his ear.  Remus nearly startles and turns around to face Sirius.

                “You too,” Remus says, flicking his eyes over Sirius.  Sirius gives Remus a rose, and Remus chuckles.  “Where’d you get a tux at the last minute?”

                “Oh, just something I had.  You know, lying around.”

                “Oh.”

                “Where’d you get your tux?”

                “Oh, just something I had,” Remus says cheekily.  “You know, lying around.”  Sirius smiles.  “Listen,” Remus starts, taking on a more serious tone (pun intended, irony a plus.)  “I’m really sorry that I questioned your motives.  I was wrong.”

                Sirius frowns, his stomach churning.  He really wishes he hadn’t taken the money from Severus. But, if he hadn’t, he might not have ever truly met Remus, aside from ogling at him (along with all the other soccer boys) during soccer practice after school.  “You’re forgiven.”

                “Okay.  Ready for the prom?”

                “Yes, sir.  The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can take you home,” Sirius whispers, leaning into Remus and nipping at his neck.  Remus turns his head and hums contently.  He pulls Sirius into the prom.

* * *

 

                Okay, we’re back at the Lupin household, which is currently only occupied by a disgruntled Mr. Lupin.  The doorbell suddenly rings.  Mr. Lupin gets up to answer it.

                “Hi, Mr. Lupin.  I’m Severus.  I’m here to pick up Lily.”

                Mr. Lupin stares at Snape, giving him an icy glare.  He slams the door in Snape’s face.

* * *

 

                Back at the prom, Sirius and Remus walk onto the dance floor, hand-in-hand.  Remus looks around, finally spotting Lily dancing with James.  He smiles. 

                Across the room, Mary MacDonald enters nervously.  She wears the Elizabethan gown that had been put in her locker.  She spots Remus and hurries over.

                “Have you seen him?” she squeals.

                “Who?” Remus asks.

                “William! He asked me to meet him here.”

                “Oh, Mary.  Tell me you haven’t progressed to full-on hallucinations,” Remus says sarcastically.

                Sirius looks towards the stage and nods.  Mary turns to look.  There stands none other than Peter Pettigrew, wearing colorful Shakespeare-like get-up.  Mary beams.  Peter hops off the stage and makes his way to her.

                “Milady,” Peter says, bending and kissing Mary’s hand.

                “Good sir,” Mary replies, obviously enthralled.  They dance away from Remus and Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I've figured out that there will be two chapters left.
> 
> Hope finals are going well for all ya'll... mine are tomorrow through Thursday... Good luck, ya'll
> 
> hmu on tumblr at fiftyshadesofthegreylady


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus dance; Snape gets beat up.

                Sirius and Remus break apart to clap as the band finishes a song.  A new song starts, and Remus is caught off guard.

                The Dementors, Remus’ favorite band, had gotten up on the stage and were now playing their most well-known hit, “It’s Only a Kiss.”

                “Oh my god!” Remus yells.  “It’s—.”

                “I called in a favor,” Sirius cuts Remus off.  Remus is exhilarated as the song continues to play.  Midway through, he pulls Sirius in for a long kiss.

* * *

 

                Lily enters the Ladies’ Room.  Dorcas Meadowes exits a stall.

                “What are you doing here?” Lily asks, surprised.  She hasn’t talked to Dorcas since… well, since the party at Emmeline Vance’s house.

                “Oh, I know you didn’t think you were the only sophomore at the prom,” she sneers.  “Severus just picked me up.”

                “Well, congratulations,” Lily says sarcastically.  “He’s all yours.”

                “Very generous, Princess.  And just so you know, Severus only liked you for one reason.  He even had a bet going with his friends.  He was gonna nail you tonight.”

                Lily’s mouth falls open in shock.  She runs out of the bathroom.

* * *

 

                On the dance floor, Remus and Sirius sway together slowly.

                “New York City,” Sirius says.

                “What?”

                “That’s where I was last year.  I wasn’t in jail, I don’t know Rowena Ravenclaw, and I didn’t sleep with a member of the Whomping Willows—I don’t think.  You see, my grandpa, he was ill, so I spent most of the year on his couch watching reruns and making soft foods for him to eat.  End of story.”

                Remus grins.  “No way!”

                The pair is interrupted when Snape pulls Sirius aside.  The pair is extremely annoyed.

                “Hey!”  Snape is angry about… something.  “What’s Lily doing here with that cheese dick?  I didn’t pay you to take out Remus so that some little punk could snake me with Lily.”

                Remus stops his dancing as he hears what Snape said.  Sirius looks at Remus pleadingly. 

                “Nothing in it for you, huh?” Remus asks, shouldering his way through the crowd.  Sirius chases after him, calling his name. _Ugh, the shit really hit the fan,_ Sirius thinks.

* * *

 

                “The shit has hiteth the fan…eth,” Peter says to James.  He had spotted the altercation between Remus, Snape, and Sirius and danced Mary over to James and Lily.  He tries—and fails—to ‘talk like Shakespeare’. 

                James and Peter leave their respective dates and head for Snape.

                “Severus, pal, compadre.  Listen…,” Peter tries.  Snape pushes him roughly to the ground and moves towards James.

                “You messed with the wrong guy, and now you’re gonna pay.  You and that little bitch,” Snape says.

                By now, there is a small crowd gathered around the boys.  James moves towards Snape.

                “Alright, that’s enough!  Okay?  You crossed the line,” he motions to Peter.  Snape punches James in the face, knocking him to the ground.  James coughs and groans in pain.

                “Oh, come on!  Get up, you little punk!” Severus screeches.  He turns around to look at the crowd.  Instead, he is faced with a _very pissed off_ Lily.  Lily punches Snape in the nose.

                “Shit, Lily!  I’m shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!  You filthy little mudblood!”  Snape moves his hand to his face.

                “That’s for making my date bleed…”  Lily punches him again.  “That’s for my brother…”  She grabs Severus’ shoulders and knees him in the groin.  “And that’s for me.”  Lily pushes Snape onto the ground.  She and Mary help their dates to their feet.

                “Are you okay?” Lily asks James.

                He smiles widely.  “Never been better.”  Lily kisses him.

                Everyone slow dances while Snape rolls around, clutching his groin, groaning with pain.  Nobody pays him any attention.

* * *

 

                Remus rushes down the stairs of the hotel where the prom was being held.  Sirius catches up with him.

                “Would you give me a chance…,” Sirius pleads.

                “You were paid to take me out!  By the one person I truly hate.  I knew this was set-up!”  _I knew it was too good to be true_ , Remus thinks.

                Sirius flinches at the accusation.  Or, truth, rather.  “Remus, it wasn’t like that, okay?”

                “Really?  What was it like?  A down payment now and then a bonus for sleeping with me?”

                “No, I didn’t care about the money, okay?  I cared… I cared about you.”

                Remus thinks for a moment, feeling angry and… and sad.  “You are so not who I thought you were.”  He waits a moment for Sirius to answer.  When Sirius doesn’t say anything, Remus rushes down the stairs and out of the hotel.

                Lily then comes up running behind Sirius.  She watches as Remus leaves the prom.  Lily is guilty for dragging Remus into this mess.  She feels it’s all her fault that the shit hit the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, I'm sorry these chapters are getting so bad. Also, I'm kind of running out of good things to use in place of modern American things, so if I've already used a Harry Potter-esque term in place for another item, I'm sorry. It would be greatly appreciated if you could tell me if I made a mistake so that I could change it.  
> Thanks in advance.
> 
> School's out now, so that's fun!
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> hmu on tumblr @fiftyshadesofthegreylady
> 
> Currently freaking out bc it's almost June and that means we get another check, please update


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus pours his heart out; Sirius pours his heart out, too.

                We meet back with our characters for the final time at the Lupin household.  It is the day after the prom.  Remus sits on the balcony railing with a beat-up old novel in his hands.  Lily steps over with a cup of Remus’ favorite tea, offering it to him.

                “You want?” she asks.

                “Thanks,” says Remus.

                “So, you’re sure you don’t want to go sailing with us?  It’ll be fun.” 

                “No, I’m fine,” Remus sighs.

                “Look, I don’t know if I ever thanked you for going last night, but it really meant a lot to me.”

                “I’m glad,” Remus says honestly.

                James then comes jogging up the steps, looking very excited.  He jumps next to Lily, not realizing how serious the conversation between the siblings is.

                “Hey,” James says quietly to Lily.

                “Hey.”  

                “You ready?” James prompts as Remus turns back to his book.

                “Yeah,” Lily says, trying to mask her excitement.  She fails.  “See you later,” she tells Remus.

                “Bye,” Remus waves.

                James and Lily walk away.  Remus buries his nose further in his novel.

                “Is he okay?” James whispers.

                “I hope so.”

                The couple leaves and Mr. Lupin comes out on the balcony.  He walks over and stands next to Remus, who looks up after finishing the page he was on.

                “Where’s your sister going?” Mr. Lupin asks.

                “She’s meeting some bikers,” Remus says sarcastically.  “Big ones.  Full of sperm.”

                “Funny,” Mr. Lupin deadpans.  “So tell me about this dance.  Was it hoppin’?”

                “Parts of it.”

                “Which parts?”

                “The part where Lily beat the hell out of some guy.”  Remus grins at the memory.

                “Lily did what?” Mr. Lupin exclaims.

                “What’s the matter?  Upset that I rubbed off on her?”

                “No,” Mr. Lupin says.  “Impressed.”

                Remus looks up, utterly shocked by any approval from his father.  Mr. Lupin continues speaking.

                “You know, fathers don’t like to admit it when their children are capable of running their own lives.  It means we’ve become spectators.  Lily still lets me play a few innings.  You’ve had me on the bench for years.  And when you go to Beauxbatons, I won’t even be able to watch the game.” 

                “ _When_ I go?” Remus asks.  He can’t believe that his father might actually be letting him go.

                “Oh, boy.  Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind.  I already sent them the check.”

                Remus very nearly squeals as he wraps his arms around his father.

* * *

 

                Professor McGonagall stands at the front of her English class.  She finishes reading from a play by William Shakespeare.

                “All right.  I assume everyone has found time to complete their poem.  Except for Mr. Snape…”  McGonagall begins to laugh.  “…who has an excuse.  Lose the glasses.”

                Snape pulls off the sunglasses he was wearing, letting everyone see his bruised eye and messed-up nose from getting punched by Lily at the prom.  He sulks farther in his chair as the class giggles.  Professor McGonagall continues.

                “Alright.  Anyone brave enough to read their sonnet aloud?”  Nobody moves.  Finally, Remus slowly raises his hand.

                “I will,” he says.  Sirius, who actually showed up in English class for once, looks up from his desk.

                “Merlin,” McGonagall curses.  “Here we go.”

                At the front of the class, Remus clears his throat as he opens his notebook.  He reads.

_“I hate the way you talk to me_

_And the way you cut your hair._

_I hate the way you drive my car._

_I hate it when you stare._

_I hate your big, dumb combat boots_

_And the way you read my mind._

_I hate you so much it makes me sick._

_It even makes me rhyme._

                Remus pauses, taking a deep breath.

_I hate it…  I hate the way you’re always right._

_I hate it when you lie._

_I hate it when you make me laugh,_

_Even worse when you make me cry._

                Silent tears roll down Remus’ face.

_I hate it when you’re not around_

_And the fact that you didn’t call,_

_But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you._

_Not even close,_

_Not even a little bit,_

_Not even at all.”_

                Remus looks Sirius directly in the eye.  Sirius stares back, sad and thoughtful.  Remus then walks out of the room while the rest of the class looks on in silence.

* * *

                Students are pouring out of the school mere seconds after the final bell rings ( _how did they get their backpacks so quickly?_ )  Remus walks to his car.  When he opens the door, a guitar—the same one he was playing on at the store—is sitting on the passenger seat.  Remus picks it up slowly, drinking in every minute detail.  Sirius comes up behind him.

                “Nice, huh?” Sirius says, startling Remus.

                “Is this for me?”

                “Yeah.  I thought you could use it.  You know, when you start your band.”  Sirius thinks for a moment.  “Besides, I had some extra cash.  Some asshole paid me to take out a really great guy.”

                Remus grins.  “Is that right?”

                “Yeah, but I screwed up.  I, um… I fell for him.”  Sirius blushes and looks at his feet.

                “Really?” Remus whispers.

                Sirius smiles. “It’s not every day you find a guy who’ll flash someone to get you out of detention.”

                Remus’ eyes go wide.  He didn’t think that Sirius knew about that…  He slaps a hand over his face.  “Oh god…”  Remus laughs.

                Sirius leans in and kisses him.  A moment passes, and Remus pulls back.

                “You can’t just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know,” Remus says.

                Sirius winces.  “Yeah.”  He pulls at Remus’ curls.  “I know.  But then, you know, there’s always drums and bass and, maybe even one day, a tambourine.”

                Remus smiles as Sirius leans in to kiss him again.

{FIN}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Is that all?"  
> "That's all there is."
> 
> Well, that's the end, y'all.
> 
> I hoped you liked it!!!
> 
> I never really noticed how much Patrick (Sirius) says 'you know' in the movie... I had to delete so much...
> 
> And if anyone wants to make fanart,, that would be so cool! I tried, but, alas, I cannot draw...  
> just tag me in it @fiftyshadesofthegreylady
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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